Dementia or old age?

mpang123

My dad has diagnosed vascular dementia. And it is apparent. However, my mom, who is his caretaker, is exhibiting symptoms of dementia too. My mom thinks so too. But she saw a neurologist and did some tests and was diagnosed with just MCI. Which is a sign of dementia. But maybe it's just old age? She is relatively high functioning still. She can cook, do housekeeping, bathe my dad, give him his meds, pay bills, do grocery shopping, communicate well, and just taking care of herself and my dad as best as she can. But she cannot drive due to confusion, short term memory loss, repeats herself, misplaces things, and hard time following conversation. Do you think it's just old age?

Emily 123

I'd go with the neurologist since she seems to be functioning at a pretty high level. She probably would benefit from some support though, even without MCI, and of course you would want to remain vigilant.

The body allocates resources in times of stress, and caregiving is tremendously stressful, so forgetting things when distracted by something else (like caregiving an adult with dementia) wouldn't be unusual. I'd forget a lot of stuff when I had my mom here with me, and I still do if I get lost in thought about her care.

There are some things that can be done to support your mom. For instance, a hearing aid or voice amplifier could help her follow conversations better and not leave her isolated. My mom is more confused on days her hearing's bad (it varies), so she has a cheap Sony headset and a little thumbwheel voice amplifier she can plug into for days she's struggling. She won't wear a hearing aid. Usually I have to help her put it on, but it beats shouting our conversations.

If she doesn't have any, getting mom some assistance for basic things like housecleaning or laundry, or getting an aide in a few times a week to give her a break, bathe dad, do lunch prep, can help.

Helping her ordering groceries online for delivery could help (unless it's an opportunity for her to get away from caregiving), or helping her set up online autopayment payment would take more off her plate.

Sometimes med prescriptions can be refilled online-that might be something to do as well, or if their provider has a healthcare portal you could set that up if they don't have one.

Because of the MCI you probably don't want her to have to 'remember' a new skill if that's going to be challenging, but could set things up to happen automatically.

It wouldn't hurt if you made sure she kept a list of passwords somewhere safe that you could access for any online accounts, in case she becomes incapacitated or forgets her logins.

harshedbuzz

My mom blew off my concerns about dad as "a normal part of the aging process". My PCP assures me the sorts of symptoms you are seeing aren't, strictly speaking, normal. They could be related to depression, vitamin or hormone deficiencies and/or poor hearing which is worth looking into if it hasn't been done.

It's not unusual for both partners in a marriage to develop dementia, especially if they're older, given how common dementia is among people over 80.

It's not uncommon for a doctor to give an MCI diagnosis after an initial evaluation and change it to dementia at a 6- or 12-month check-up. It could be that your mom's presentation seems quite different to dad's because of the type of dementia, their personalities, or the stage in which they currently are.

In your shoes, I would do a deep dive into their finances to be certain mom is actually paying the appropriate amounts on a timely basis and isn't squandering funds on scams and charity appeals. My dad managed to losing $360K day trading while my mom was fighting me on getting dad evaluated. There's no do-over if you're belief that she can handle money is rosier than the reality of it.

HB

mpang123

Good feedback. Thank you all. My mom's memory got much worse since last year at the time my dad's dementia got worse. My mom was stressed out about dad's health and taking care of dad full time. Also, she mentioned that her hearing got worse and that could affect her ability to listen and comprehend things. I will recommend her to get her hearing checked. My mom agreed to make me DPOA but am waiting to be officialized. Right now, my uncle in Canada has POA that was appointed many years ago. I don't know much about the arrangement. But it needs to be revoked in order to transfer the powers. The neurologist who diagnosed her with MCI prescribed aricept for her but after taking it for a couple of days she stopped it cuz it was giving her nightmares. She sees the neurologist again in a year. Both my parents are going to see the PCP next month and I will be there with the doctor to discuss everything. My parents depend on my help in every which way and I know their needs so I know I would be a good agent to represent them. My dad is relatively stable and my mom can take care of him but I step in whenever possible to take care of business. I'm new to all of this and what a learning experience this is. I'm glad I found this forum. It has enlightened me much.

Quilting brings calm

Old age forgetfulness is not the same as MCI. MCI- mild cognitive impairment is the precursor to dementia( currently called major cognitive impairment). Some people never go from old age forgetfulness to MCI. Some people never go from MCI to dementia. Some people aren’t diagnosed at the MCI stage, but rather at the dementia stage.

Your mom was diagnosed with only MCI because she is functioning at the levels you mentioned. However it’s not old age forgetfulness because of the things that you mention she can’t do. Now is the time to get the paperwork done. MCI lasts up to 7 years, but is often diagnosed halfway through that time.

https://www.alzinfo.org/understand-alzheimers/clinical-stages-of-alzheimers/

mommyandme (m&m)

I agree with getting help in a bit here and there. If you find someone whose chemistry is good for one or all of you, it could benefit you when their care needs increase. You could tell both of them that they’re helping out this new person with nursing school credit or something like that as your mom may get overwhelmed quickly. I’m glad you’re on the path to getting the DPOA, makes complete sense to me.

mpang123

Yah. My Mom has mentioned that when the time comes, she will welcome home health aids to help with dad and mom. My dad is under palliative care and they can get hospice involved. But the PCP can also order home health. Dad and mom both have appointment with the doctor next month and I will be sitting in with them. I am allowed to accompany my parents with their doctors and I have access to the patient portal so I can keep track of their medical treatment.

ma1038a

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194724#Comment_194724

I strongly agree with the recommendation to check the finances. I my mom “only” has MCI, and since the diagnosis I’ve been getting her bank statements, but she was living alone and handling bills herself. There were some large, round number checks, but I knew she liked to give gifts/donations and let it slide. But after seeing more suspicious activity, I finally used my POA to get added to her account (without running it by her) so I could see check images online. Lots of donations to scam charities - they exist, but they’re PACs that spend most of their budgets on themselves. Sometimes she’d give twice in a row. Contrary to her claim and past practice that she only donates “at year end,” she’d been doing this regularly for the past two years - the limit to what I could access.

I typed up a spreadsheet and brought it to her doctor, and that was a factor in the decision to move her to a CCRC against her wishes. The move was way easier since I could write checks from her account. It’s been six months, and she still hasn’t noticed or asked me about the 20-30 checks I’ve written - another sign of impairment, I’d say.

mpang123

I've been taking my mom to the bank to do some transactions. She gets confused about which accounts she has and how much are in them. I've been going through her bank statements to check her balance. But she's good at keeping up with paying her bills on time but I want to set up auto pay. It would be more convenient.

H1235

You should keep an eye on finances she would be an easy target for a scam. Also just because she is still doing things doesn’t mean she is doing them well or without problems. This is a time to monitor things and be aware of when you need to step in. Stress is not good for dementia. Taking care of your dad may make things worse on her. My understanding is that mild cognitive impairment is pre dementia and is NOT a normal part of aging.

mpang123

Ok. I get the message. I will continue to monitor her bank statements and see if there are anything suspicious.

Stan2

When my DW was diagnosed with alz we visited an attorney and we both made our wills and we both gave POA to each other and to our daughter. In the event that I can no longer care for my DW our daughter will have the authority to do what she needs. I wish you the best with your parents.