Glad to have found this space

drsd112

My mom is a PWD and her situation is somewhat complicated by the fact she has osteoporosis. It has been a crazy roller coaster over the last 18 months or so.

I lived about 400 miles away but visited twice a year and talked to Mom on the phone every week. She had been having a few noticeable memory issues but we just chalked it up to "aging". I started to notice she always sounded tired when we would talk on the phone. I came to visit and realized there was something more going on.

I quit my job, put my stuff in storage and moved here, thinking I would get some in-home assistance setup and could be close by to help out. After being here a couple of weeks, I realized she shouldn't be living on her own. So, I lived at the house with her for about six months and was her caregiver while also trying to work a part time job. She eventually had another fall, hit her head and was unconscious for about 10 minutes. Even though I was home, I hadn't heard anything until she came to and started banging on the bathroom door. Fortunately, no broken bones but a concussion. We had talked about her possibly moving to Assisted Living and that fall was the thing that convinced her it was time. Grandma had dementia and had to go to AL. Mom still remembers that time and so the conversation while not easy was not as difficult as some I've read about here. For the most part AL has been good for her, but she does have times where she swears people are sneaking into her room and stealing things or she has the occasional hallucination, usually auditory but once in a great while it will be a visual hallucination, like seeing Dad who passed away about 10 years ago or butterflies flying around in her room. The dementia seems to be progressing rapidly, especially since the last fall and concussion. She has lost a lot of memories and her ability to find words and put sentences together has diminished quite a bit she but still seems to be able to remember most people.

Her AL facility is smaller and the residents seem to be pretty friendly with each other. I think being around other people who are dealing with dementia has helped her with being able to understand a bit of what is happening to her.

I have dealt with all of the emotions described in other posts, anger, grief, resentment, guilt, depression, exhaustion. It's been a big load to carry.
I'm an only child so I have no siblings to help with any of this. I do have an aunt and uncle who live here and they help out or go visit Mom when they can. And I am grateful for their assistance.

I just keep trying to remind myself it's not Mom's fault what is happening, it is the fault of the disease. I know she is in a good AL facility and it is where she needs to be because she needs 24/hr. care now, which I just couldn't provide.
I keep trying to remind myself I don't need to feel guilty and that it's okay for me to relax or take a day away for my own mental and physical health and I don't need to feel guilty about that either.

Reading other people's messages here has really helped me a lot today. Knowing that I'm not alone in trying to navigate this trail is comforting.

Thanks.

JDancer

Welcome to the group no one wants to be a part of. The folks here are full of wisdom and experience. I hope you find it as helpful as I have.

If you visit the discussions under, "Caring for a parent" or even, "Caring long distance," you're likely to find others with situations similar to yours.

avieDa921)

I’m an only child too! My father passed away 2003, cancer (battled for 10 years). Mother passed away 9 years later, pneumonia. She had COPD for years from smoking, father smoked too. It is hard caring for a parent and trying to make the best decisions for them without the help of siblings. I am now the caregiver for my DH, ALZ 6 years, which is also difficult to make the right decisions for his care!

You are a good daughter!