Glad to have found this space

drsd112

I posted this earlier today but in the wrong forum, so I am reposting it here.

I truly am glad and somewhat relieved to have found this space to be able to share information about dealing with a parent who is a PWD.

My 82 year old mom is a PWD and dealing with the situation has been a crazy roller coaster over the last 18 months or so.

I lived about 400 miles away but visited twice a year and talked to Mom on the phone every week. She had been having a few noticeable memory issues but we just chalked it up to "aging". I started to notice she always sounded tired when we would talk on the phone. I came to visit and realized there was something more going on.

I quit my job, put my stuff in storage and moved here, thinking I would get some in-home assistance setup and could be close by to help out. After being here a couple of weeks, I realized she shouldn't be living on her own. So, I lived at the house with her for about six months and was her caregiver while also trying to work a part time job. She eventually had another fall, hit her head and was unconscious for about 10 minutes. Even though I was home, I hadn't heard anything until she came to and started banging on the bathroom door. Fortunately, no broken bones but a concussion. We had talked about her possibly moving to Assisted Living and that fall was the thing that convinced her it was time. Grandma had dementia and had to go to AL. Mom still remembers that time and so the conversation while not easy was not as difficult as some I've read about here. For the most part AL has been good for her, but she does have times where she swears people are sneaking into her room and stealing things or she has the occasional hallucination, usually auditory but once in a great while it will be a visual hallucination, like seeing Dad who passed away about 10 years ago or butterflies flying around in her room. The dementia seems to be progressing rapidly, especially since the last fall and concussion. She has lost a lot of memories and her ability to find words and put sentences together has diminished quite a bit she but still seems to be able to remember most people.

Her AL facility is smaller and the residents seem to be pretty friendly with each other. I think being around other people who are dealing with dementia has helped her with being able to understand a bit of what is happening to her.

I have dealt with all of the emotions described in other posts, anger, grief, resentment, guilt, depression, exhaustion. It's been a big load to carry.

I'm an only child so I have no siblings to help with any of this. I do have an aunt and uncle who live here and they help out or go visit Mom when they can. And I am grateful for their assistance.

I just keep trying to remind myself it's not Mom's fault what is happening, it is the fault of the disease. I know she is in a good AL facility and it is where she needs to be because she needs 24/hr. care now, which I just couldn't provide.

I keep telling myself I don't need to feel guilty and that it's okay for me to relax or take a day away for my own mental and physical health and I don't need to feel guilty about that either.

Reading other people's messages here has really helped me a lot today. Knowing that I'm not alone in trying to navigate this trail is comforting.

Thanks.

llisa11

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67814/glad-to-have-found-this-space

Hello,

I keep forgetting about this site and am grateful for it. I also like in person support groups, happy to try to organize one if others are interested. I’m not that comfortable writing details but maybe I will start to do so!

M1

Welcome to both of you. Drsd FWIW it doesn't matter which group you post under, most of us read all the discussion groups though "long distance" and "lost someone" don't get much traffic.