Visiting LO at Nursing Home

Istoppedescaping

I am struggling with seeing my Mom at the nursing home. I usually go once a week. The past couple of months it's been less.

She is in the late stages, doesn't talk, losing all her teeth, bedridden, can't walk, feed herself, always tired, sometimes stares out into the distance, shakes, and doesn't know what's going on or who anyone is etc. I struggle with depression when I see her and guilt if I don't see her,all the time.

Has anyone either started going less to visit your LO or just stopped going because it's just too difficult to see them deteriorate? Any advice or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

God bless.

yarnball

I don't know what others will say but I do my best to not feel guilty for doing the best I can do in the moment. I have great admiration for those who are able to do 24/7 care taking but I cannot.

harshedbuzz

@Istoppedescaping

You have to make the decisions that work for you. Everyone will have a different spin on this. If this is causing you anxiety, depression or you're struggling cope, please seek some help for yourself. A therapist and/or short term use of medication can help a lot.

I visited my dad in MC several times a week. I felt it was my responsibility to make sure his care was appropriate and to give him some 1:1 attention. I kept the visits short--and left as soon as either of us had had enough. The most important piece for me was to not feel regret when it was over. I don't.

HB

Istoppedescaping

Thanks

HB

Istoppedescaping

Thanks

Yarnball

dnewell80

I see my mom in mc every day, for about an hour, for the same reasons HB stated. It isn't easy, but it's harder for her than me.

I also started taking something for my anxiety when she first started getting bad. It has definitely helped coping.

Istoppedescaping

Thank You for all your comments.

What I stopped doing is coming here. I had a couple of therapists and on medication as well. I grieved my Mom and realized from a support group that the pain I am feeling right now seeing my Mom debilitate for 7 years is not the same pain I will experience when she passes. So I have stopped grieving and going back to see her. God bless you all!