Recognizing skill losses

SSHarkey

My husband has been a master craftsman and woodworker for decades. These last few months he’s lost a great deal of his skills. Today he tried to get the square footage of our kitchen and couldn’t do it. It hit him hard. He’s still able to recognize that he can’t do something any longer. It’s so emasculating for him. I hate seeing him go through this stage! And I’m wondering how long it will be before he’s no longer aware of his losses.

Whyzit2

We never know how long anything will take or last with Alzheimer’s as everyone is so different. My DH was an award winning wood carver. He hasn’t done any carving in two years and has recently stopped talking about doing it. His tools are still in well labeled boxes on his shelf and I should just put them in our storage unit out of sight because they could be a safety hazard now. I just don’t want him to feel like he is being eliminated because his ego is still fragile like your DH. We are in the 14th year of this adventure.

Best wishes and hugs to you!

storycrafter

I too, wonder at times. It is so hard to watch, especially when they are aware. My husband, too, was a master at several things, including woodworking, and is very aware of many losses. I feel the losses acutely as he is unable to do all the things he just did so naturally around the house, etc. I can't imagine how frustrating it is for him. Depression haunts him, though it seems he has come to an uneasy acceptance of sorts.

He works very hard to get to one thing each day, but is mostly unable to follow through. Once in a while I'll ask one simple question or make a brief observation and he can temporarily rouse himself to complete something I've requested. Determination and tenacity was always a strength of his. Now it often becomes perseveration and I've learned to gently interrupt it when I notice he's stuck in it. So far he's able to respond pretty well to my efforts.

One day at a time is the philosophy of the day...

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194848#Comment_194848

Oh how I understand! He has a fully loaded shop with every tool and saw imaginable. I tell myself if he dies out there he dies doing what he loves. But actually he’s spending less and less time there.

M1

It's a blessing and a mercy when they don't recognize the losses. My partner told me last week that she had turned down several jobs recently. Classic confabulation. Also worried about how her (long dead) parents were going to manage in the bad weather.

????

I think this is one of the hardest things to watch. My wife is aware of things she cannot do anymore. For almost 50 years she has done our taxes. This year we have hired a CPA. It is hard on her to know that she is not able to do them anymore.

Bluebird

It’s the little things that I notice the most. Things that were super easy for them that they can no longer do. My husband has also been a super handyman around the house. He could and would fix anything. Now he isn’t able to repair anything. Luckily he doesn’t seem to mind.

sandpile60

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67823/recognizing-skill-losses

My husband also was so capable—he could make all types of things out of wood, could design and build anything out of metal ( certified welder) and was also learning pottery. Now, his spatial abilities are lacking and basic measurements allude him. It is so sad to see him struggle and give up. He couldn’t even build a birdhouse with a grandson the other day. I had to go out to the shop and help them complete it. I am so sad for him. How does one live with witnessing this devastating disease?

Stan2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194932#Comment_194932

I agree, my wife was a bookkeeper and tax preparer for many years and now becomes confused with a couple columns of numbers. She feels like she has lost her value. She is terrified about what is happening to her.

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194905#Comment_194905

Like you, I have a lifetime of living with someone who can fix virtually everything! And now I’m wondering how I’ll get things done. I know I’ve been blessed to have him. And know it won’t be long before I have to hire people, just like most others have to do.

justbreathe2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/67823/recognizing-skill-losses

SSHarkey, I can understand how you feel. My DH was diagnosed with MCI and while he still has most skills, I see things very slowly fading away.

My DH was an Engineer and like all of you he had many skills. Also an accomplished pilot, and musician. Thankfully gave up his hangar and flying a year ago. He used to practice his trumpet or keyboard everyday, but that is diminishing too. My DH tells me he practices while I am gone, but I wonder. Over the last 2-3 years my DH has been teaching me things with the house and cars and that makes him happy. He loves to teach…so much patience. Asking him questions makes him feel good.

He is aware of his memory losses, but can still recognize when something needs repaired and sometimes can find a fix. Feel very sad for him because I know one day it will be gone.

M1

Justbreathe, i hope you all can do some bucket list activities in this time before you lose him-i hold on to some of those memories with all of my heart these days.

LindaLouise

My DH was the kind of guy who always fixed things for everyone, and so sad to see those abilities no longer there. The challenging thing for me is that he still thinks he can fix things, but sadly his attempts result in making things worse. So - using skills he taught me over the years - I sneak around to fix things while he is in the shower or taking a nap. I end up working in 10 minute bursts but eventually get most things done or figured out. When I have to hire someone, I try to have an "errand" we need to run so we aren't home while the work is being done. This disease is so strange - while it's breaking your heart, you are distracted with trying to fix a toilet or hang Christmas lights...

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/195105#Comment_195105

The year he was diagnosed, we traveled. Bit the bullet and spent money as if we had it. Went to Italy, Ireland, and cruised to Alaska. A fabulous experience and one we are so grateful for. We could never do it now.

SSHarkey

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/194905#Comment_194905

Oh how I relate to what you’re saying!!! I’ve had 55 years with him repairing and maintaining. Now to be unable do the simplest of things. Like you, I try to carefully maneuver him towards what he can still do while shifting his attention away from what he can’t. I want him to have his dignity. And like you said, he’s still aware. It’s a fine line.