Bitterness Toward Family

foddi3

My wife has now been in memory care for about a month. She seems to be doing pretty well but is bitter toward me her husband and to a lesser extent our daughter. We've been married for 61 years but when I last saw her she said she hadn't seen me for twenty years and that I should stop playing games. It's gotten to the point where I think my visits do more harm than good. Hospice agrees that it might be better if I not see her for awhile so it's been a few days but it makes feel awful. Any help would be appreciated

darcytg

How terribly difficult.

I hope you are able to resume visiting soon and that you find a sweet spot with your DW.

I know other folks here have had tumultuous visits with their LO's in MC.

Just love the best you can and be at pece in your heart.

M1

Welcome to the forum. My partner has been in MC for 21 months, and I was unable to visit her alone for the first year because she was so frantic to get out of there. We moved to a different facility last year and it has been better, but still every visit is a constant refrain of "i just want to be with you." It's escalated again recently. So i wish i could tell you that it will abate, but it may not. Nothing to do but give it time. Among the hardest things I've ever faced. I wish you well.

ThisLife

Sending understanding hugs. I'm sorry this is so tough. I placed my H Sept 1st. I stayed away the first month. We've had a handful of okay weekly visits. The litany of I want to go home, why do I have to be here, you've ruined my life and finishes with him angrily shouting for me to leave and not come back until I'm ready to take him home. Things are improving in miniscule steps. H is better cared for and more engaged socially than he was at home and my stress has been greatly reduced. I expected calmly visit as a spouse. I too felt I wasn't doing enough. One month is early days, and I've found that moving toward what I had hoped is a work in progress. You are doing more in exploring ways to improve the situation. Please give yourself some grace as you and your family work through this process. I'm learning that my expectations may need to be adjusted. I hope for better days for your family.