Anxiety and the future

Jmac971

Hello I am new here and have gotten a lot of comfort from reading some of these messages. My dad is in a regular skilled care facility, and I believe he has dementia due to some of his behaviors. One of his most recent is his extreme debilitating anxiety. He will call me 20 times a day, begging me to help him. But he doesn’t know what help he needs specifically. Sometimes it’s pain and sometimes it’s itching but she has a lot of. But his please for help are just so awful. He’s crying like a baby and so so scared and I don’t know how to help. My main question for this is how do you deal with the emotion of “what if this was me?” I am starting to be fearful for my own feature, thinking that if this was to happen to me, who would answer my calls? Who would be by my side when I needed to comfort? And if I am not able to offer that to my dad now, because of my boundaries and my emotions, then who will do it for me? Perhaps I need counseling. It’s really starting to get to me.any insight is helpful.

harshedbuzz

@Jmac971

HI and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found our little clubhouse.

That must be so hard on your heart. Is your dad in the SNF for some reason other than dementia? Does he have a regular doctor/PCP who sees him there? Is the DON at the facility aware of the number and nature of calls your dad is making? I would talk to them about trialing some medication to dial back the anxiety he's experiencing-- that is no way for him to live.

Sometimes, when a person has dementia, it become necessary to remove their phone as it can become a trigger that further upsets them. Other times, the person on the receiving end of the calls has them go to a burner phone with a calming outgoing message for their LO and will return the calls once they're in a better frame of mind to do so.

Seeing someone would likely be useful. A talk therapist or even a local support group can be helpful. I wouldn't discount medication for you if you feel it might help.

HB

M1

Welcome to the forum. There's a lot in your post. Is your father being treated for his anxiety? Medications can definitely help. I would bring this up with his docs, for sure, either to initiate some therapy or to tweak it if he's already on something but it's not effective.

The second issue is the phone calls. It may be time to take away the phone; out of sight is frequently out of mind. The staff can tell you how he's doing when you can't be there. Or at the very least, you may need to block his calls and let them go to voice mail, only answering when you're up to it.

For your own mental health and thoughts about the future, i would definitely recommend counselling and/or anti-anxiety and antidepressant meds for you too; all of this is extremely stressful, and we caregivers all need support.

You have come to a supportive community here, hopefully this forum can be part of your armamentarium going forward.

Jmac971

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/195106#Comment_195106

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/195106#Comment_195106

Hi this is so helpful. Yes I actually have his ring set to silent because it does trigger me. I answer about 50% but sometime I just need a break like you said. Good idea about the outgoing message. He is disabled and unable to walk or stand so that is why he is there. My mom was his main caregiver but she recently passed a year ago. I think the stress of taking care of him killed jer to be honest. There is a lot going on for sure. Thank you for your kindness!

Jmac971

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/195108#Comment_195108

Thank you so much. Yes I just put feelers out for a counselor soon. For both my sister and I. I’m glad I have her to help but she’s experiencing the same. Thank you! I’m in all the meds. 😀