Just another set back

charley0419

It never ends for my DW. After finally getting rid of car and wife ok with Ali felt breathing room but was wrong DW just found out has nasal cancer going to see oncologist next week getting PetScan tomorrow. I’m thinking maybe radiation as surgery is big deal and may mess up nose. I know anytime may DW goes under anesthesia her mind get worse. They say too much anesthesia harmfull. I’m confused don’t want to put her through another surgery maybe radiation will do it. My wife is a wreck

SusanB-dil

Oh, my - agree, sometimes it just seems to never end, does it... Thing is also, how are you doing? Please make sure you also are taking care of yourself through all this mess.

M1

So sorry, that is a difficult diagnosis Charley. Getting her to hold still for radiation treatments may be a challenge.

charley0419

I know she can do it as of now. Can do everything but not interested in fry ping things. Gets confused and short term memory bad. Otherwise I’m lucky for now

Jgirl57

Oh no ! What a turn of events. Geeezzzz. I hope the scan goes well and the oncologist makes recommendations that are tolerable

harshedbuzz

@charley0419

I am so sorry for you and your DW. You certainly didn't need an additional medical concern to complicate your care plans.

I would keep an open mind about treatment when talking to the oncologist. While anesthesia and hospitalization can accelerate the progression of the disease, I would also consider the impact of radiation impacting cognition and hormone producing organs in the head and neck. When I was making care decisions for my dad one of my questions was always "what happens if I do nothing?" That might be where you're at but always worth knowing.

I would suggest reading Being Mortal. It helped me and people I know balance potential outcomes and the quality of life in the context of a life expectancy limited by dementia.

These are deeply personal decisions-- ease of treatment, stage of dementia and age factor into decisions. My dad had a "recurrence" of a fairly aggressive prostate cancer (PSA tests suggest his proton therapy wasn't entirely successful). He'd started treatment in mid-stages just before he was diagnosed at age 83. We continued it. For him it was a twice yearly shot to flush testosterone out of his system to delay/avoid bone metastases. I was also hoping to dampen some of his inappropriate sexual talk. It made sense to me although I had some vocal folks on mom's side of the family disagree with me.

My dear friend's mom developed breast cancer in the middle stages when mom was 90. Mom had relatives she'd helped care for with breast cancer and had decided at 80 she would no longer go for screenings or treat. My friend honored mom's wishes which was not easy. Her PCP made sure she was comfortable until she brought hospice in to take over medical care.

A gentleman from my IRL support group had a wife with a history of colon cancer. He was a surgeon, btw. They'd chosen treatment in the earlier stages and the surgery, surveillance and hospitalization definitely left her with less cognition and ability to manage her ADLs. 4 years later after a very difficult prep he swore he'd never put her through testing again. The biopsies were positive. He and his children made the decision to just keep her comfortable.

HB

michiganpat

I'm so sorry Charlie. Hoping the best for your dear wife and please be sure to take care of yourself too. Life can be so hard sometimes.