Sad and just need to talk with folks who understand

aconite

Our dear neighbor and friend died this morning. Hearing of her death made me so sad that DH asked what was wrong and I told him. But throughout the day he kept asking me "what's going on next door". He can't recall what happened but does have a glimmer that there is something not right.

I am usually used to his repeated questions but this one gets to me. I have been able to just matter of factly say that she passed, but then the sadness that I've been able to suppress comes back again (but I'm able to hide it from him).

It's just another of those small things that make this disease so hard. I'm just feeling sorry for myself - missing her and missing the consolation that my DH used to provide when I was sad. Thanks for letting me vent. Any suggestions for me? All I can think of is to just let time ease my sadness at missing my friend.

M1

So sorry aconite. I know the feeling of having to suppress your emotions and of desperately missing that consolation from your spouse. That's not a pity party, that's true grief. Sending warm thoughts your way.

harshedbuzz

@aconite

I am sorry for the loss of your dear friend.

IME, spending time with others who share the loss has been helpful when possible.

HB

Mint

Aconite I'm so very sorry for your loss of your dear neighbor. May you be blessed with the strength you need.

JeriLynn66

I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend and neighbor. Sending warm hugs

annahowie

So sorry for the loss of your neighbor and friend. This disease is cruel in so many ways not just for those afflicted but the family. I feel your pain, trying to suppress our own feeling is excruciatingly painful. My DH was always my rock and I never held anything back. Not being able to do that anymore is difficult for all of us - on on side we are their caregiver and looking out for their best interests, safety and health and on the other side we were their partner and shared everything and that is no longer the same. Get it out here with us as we totally understand the situation, if you have someone nearby that is your sounding board let it all out with them.

Sending you love and peace

mrahope

I surely do understand how you feel. At times, a grief shared is a grief we can bear more easily. My DS and DIL had a miscarriage this fall and it made all of us sad. It hurt that my DH not only couldn't understand our sadness, but that he asked rather tactless questions about it. It's ok to find a time and place to express and feel not only your grief about losing a friend and neighbor, but at losing the comfort of a spouse who shares it with you. My condolences.

Kat63

aconite, I just experienced the same thing. Our next door neighbor died this past week and this event did not register at all with my DH. That night as we went to bed and DH had already fell asleep, I laid there and cried. I was sad about my neighbor but also I was crying because I missed my husband who was always there for me, to talk to, to lean on, to help me through everything. I miss him so much. I can only express this with this group, as others just don’t understand.

wose

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend. The complete cutoff of emotions is very very difficult for me. My DH is just so apathetic and so uncaring. It’s just heartbreaking to witness the loss of emotions, especially the hugs and warm embraces. I cry every day over this. I too am so glad we have this outlet. It helps so very much. Hugs and thoughts are with you💙

Joydean

Aconite so sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. A couple of years ago my dh’s sister passed away, it was so sudden, she had not been sick or any of that. She and I were more like sisters, we could and did talk about anything and everything, even my dh. When my niece called to let me know I was so grateful that it was after dh was asleep. I cried until I had no more tears! I couldn’t even tell my dh about his sister and it still hurts. I miss her everyday! Praying for you and all this forum family!

brs

I'm very sorry of the loss of your friend. Your feelings matter and expressing grief is a natural human response. My DH rarely expresses empathy any longer and sometimes makes me wonder of my own emotional responses. We need to remind ourselves that our sensitivity to others is a form of loving.

fmb

My condolences on the loss of your friend and neighbor. I can relate to your grief over both the loss of your friend and the loss of your DH's emotional support. My mother appears to have had a stroke and is moving from AL to MC tomorrow due to a sudden downturn in demeanor and very bizarre behaviors. Up until mid-December I spoke with her on the phone nearly every evening. Despite moderate Alzheimer's symptoms, she was my rock during all of my DH's hospitalizations the past few months and was very knowledgeable about Alzheimer's from caring for my father for many years. I feel like I have lost my mother and of course, cannot discuss my feelings with DH (ALZ Stage 6). Fortunately he hasn't asked about her since then, so I don't have to try to choke back my feelings of loss and grief as I slowly lose them both.

aconite

Thank all of you for the caring thoughts!