Caring for a 75 year old parent with Alzheimer’s

neilb25

My wife and I take care of my MIL (her mother) who doesn’t live with us and is home with her husband who has Parkinson’s and a in home caregiver. They don’t drive anymore or go out other than doctor appointments. Needs ideas to stimulate her mind as i feel it’s rotting away doing nothing all day she is constantly repeating herself and forgetting conversations and things that just happened. We try to be patient but it’s so upsetting to see an taking a toll on my wife watching her parents who are relatively young going though this. She tried a support group but it was all spouses or parents in their 90’s. We are on Long Island. Anything virtual for kids of parents in their 60/ and 70/s with Alzheimer’s. We know the inevitable as she saw it with her grandmother but want to make sure w the doing everything to slow down the progression. She is in a trial program too but seems to be getting worse

M1

Welcome to the forum Neil. The sad truth is that there is no evidence that "stimulation" prevents dementia or prevents progression of the disease once present. However, would she be open to attending a day program? Some people find this helpful, some do not. If she's not discontent, it may be just as well to let her be: apathy and loss of executive function are prominent facets of the disease in a lot of people, and it may bother you all more than it bothers her. So difficult to be dealing with illness in both parents, I'm sure.

harshedbuzz

@neilb25

Hi and welcome.

I agree with @M1. Best practices like exercise, a healthy diet, socialization and cognitive stimulation might be good at preventing dementia, but once a person is diagnosed, they don't bring anything to the party IME. The brain is not a muscle that can be built up.

I have a dear aunt whose DH clearly knew she was having a cognitive shift had he do the NYT crossword puzzle and walk to encourage "healthy aging". He died suddenly and a few years later she needed to go into a MCF so we went and cleared out her home which was enlightening. I discovered a 12' long closet filled top to bottom, 3 grocery bags deep, filled with NYT crossword s cut out of the paper. The older ones in the back/bottom were mostly done but as we got to the ones in the middle, the puzzles were simply cut out and on the top? -- just the grid with no clues.

Her brain isn't rotting away, it's deteriorating organically. There's not much that can be done. There are some older oral and patch medications which can improve function for some for a time that can be prescribed. There are newer infused medications for those in the earlier stages to slow progression a bit, but they haven't been shown to be very effective for women.

I am so sorry you and your DW are dealing with these 2 wretched diseases. That is sad and difficult at any age, but especially for younger adults who are just themselves trying to become independent adults establishing relationships/families and careers.

IME, there's a lot of ebb and flow to IRL support groups. The one to which I belonged had a few regulars who were there as much for the social piece of being with folks who "get it" as there were newer members who needed direction, resource information and answers. Some became regulars and some never came back.

Most ALZ ones near me are open to all comers-- whether their PWD was a parent, spouse, sibling, friend, etc. One month it might be a couple of spouses in their 80s and adult children in their 50s and 60s and maybe a grandchild stepping in for a grandmother who raised them. I think part of this is that meetings are often moderated by someone older and held during the day when working people might not be available to come. And many younger people prefer online forums although even this one skews older than what your wife seems to be seeking. The meetings I attended tend to always be a mix in order to serve the most people-- although there was, for a time, an all-husband group (started by them) and an all FTD group meeting near me.

I've never heard of an Early Onset Group, but it would be a great idea. Children and spouses of EO PWD have issues that are distinct from those of others living with dementia. EO is considered those who have symptoms prior to age 65-- usually 30-60. While 75 might seem young (my DH is 76, so it does to me), it's not young by dementia standards. Those PWD who have EO are usually employed, and someone needs to get them set up with disability and early Medicare options as well as protect any retirement benefits to which they may be entitled. Both spousal and adult child caregivers may also have young children at home with needs that are the first priority. Plus, people in the situation might not know anyone IRL who has lived dementia caregiving and feel very alone. I suspect, that may be how your wife feels-- I'm older so I have friends of mine as well as my parents who have trod this path who get it.

When dad was diagnosed, my mom got a lot out of her group meets, but she needed more. I found her a psychiatrist for medication and a talk-therapist to give her a safe space to talk. Perhaps that would be an option for your DW.

HB