feeling resentful

anncg

Hi. I am new to this site. My husband was just recently diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers. He just turned 60. We have had a tumultuous year as he is a doctor and had to retire, had a serious automobile accident, and now is facing criminal charges from that accident. For the most part, he is independent but struggles with communicating mostly. I tried to have a serious conversation with him and he basically dismissed me and even though I know I shouldnt be I am feeling angry and resentful. I know these feelings are irrational but my heart and head cant merge right now. If anyone has any advice, i sure need it.

M1

Hi Ann and welcome to the forum. They say we docs make the worst patients, but this is likely more than that- read about anosognosia. It’s a prominent feature of the disease in which he truly cannot appreciate that he’s impaired. You’re not going to be able to discuss it with him-and many other things also. That is a very hard adjustment as it means you have already lost your partner, and it’s achingly painful. We all understand. This forum has been a great help to me and I hope it will be for you also.

Marta

I stopped being resentful after reading: understanding the dementia experience, available online and on Amazon.

DTSbuddy

Of course you feel resentful. It is wicked cruel, what you are going through. We know you will find strength and some positives. With death, there is a recognition of an ending, and support from community. With dementia, we have no ceremony to celebrate the end life as we knew it, no closure. So you can't be a grieving widow/er and then move on. You have to live with your sorrow, and present your loved one with a cheerful countenance, because who wants to spend their last few years or decades in funeral mode.

Reading more about the typical symptoms has definitely helped me. I know now that he is not choosing to rearrange everything in the house just to mess with me; he is trying to help and cannot remember where we keep things. I know that my facial expressions mean more than my words to him, and that my words sound like a word salad to him. We have cried together over what we have lost, but we do that less often now, as we are both adjusting, and forgetting. I repeat to myself daily that I am glad he is still here, and enjoy shared activities and smiles.

There are lots of books. 'What I wish people knew about dementia' by Wendy Mitchell spoke to me. Best of luck.

Ed1937

The link Marta mentioned. https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/1/understanding-the-dementia-experience#hlangandcommun