Dad with Vascular Dementia with agitation/anger

tritac72

Hello.

Im new here. Just signed up. I’ve been caring for my father, who is 85 and physically healthy except for the moderate dementia with agitation/anger. I go to his apartment 2-3 times a week to make him take a shower, clean his apartment, take him to doctors visits, run errands. He lives in an independent facility for older ones. They feed him his meals in the big dining area (he can still feed himself) and we pay extra so that they will give him his meds every day.

I’ve been doing this for a year and a half now (I’ve seen him decline at a moderate pace in that time) and see it needs to be more frequently (I have a camera in his studio apartment to keep an eye on him to know how his mood is, see things that need to be addressed with his doctor). When I’m not there he calls me a couple times a day to ask what I’m doing that day. Lately I’ve been feeling depressed because this disease is so finicky. You never know when it will get worse. It’s like dealing with someone with a terminal illness. At least it is for me. The constant uncertainty of am I going to get a call from management again about his agitation, is his memory going to get worse slowly or progress faster, am I going to get a call that he’s missing because he still has to go for walks, etc.

Definitely starting to feel overwhelmed with stress and emotion lately. It can be hard juggling caring for him with caring for my family.

Quilting brings calm

Welcome to the forum

It’s not just like a terminal illness / it IS a terminal illness. You are not alone - we all have the feelings you have. You cringe when your loved one calls, you cringe when the facility calls.

You might consider moving him from independent living to assisted living or memory care. You might get more support from the staff and fewer phone calls from them. AL and MC facilities are better equipped to handle the extra support he needs.

In the meantime, ask his doctor to prescribe anti anxiety and depression medication to help with the agitation - and a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist that can prescribe even better medication.

AimeeK

@tritac72 I am also dealing with an angry father. He is 73 and had a stroke last September. He was living independently, but probably shouldn't have been. I moved him closer to me and put him in AL so I could be his caregiver. He hasn't been formally diagnosed with any dementia, but his siblings have been and he is showing signs. He is very verbally abusive towards me and is accusing me of stealing all of his money and his car and abandoning him. This isn't the same man who raised me. It's really hard to be his punching bag especially since I am doing the lion's share of caring for him (my brother is not helping much). I was taking him to dr. appts. and bringing him over to the house on weekends, but I've had to stop and block his phone because of his verbal abuse. He is also texting the family and telling everyone goodbye and he is going to kill himself. I've notified the AL Director and his Dr. and have been told these are probably empty threats and he is doing it for attention, but it is so hard to see. His Seroquel dosage is increasing, so we are hoping that helps. Is anger common among dementia patients? I thought he just needed time to adjust to his new environment, but he hasn't been home since September.

MN774

Hi everyone,

Your stories all sound a lot like my dad's - he is 85 and in LTC, pretty recently, actually, after a mishap in the woods that was the red flag that things were really going south. He is also angry a lot of the time, and has accused me of stealing and thinking I am taking over his property) - he has been in the LTC unit since early December. I had to stop calling him because the verbal abuse was really upsetting to me. He's kind of always been an angry person, but now it seems magnified. He's recently been prescribed abilify, which seems to be helping, but wants to go home and is angry that he is there, thinks that people are stealing from him and threatens me with that he "will die in a week" if he doesn't get out of there. I feel everything you are all going through and it is heart-wrenching.

jennwood1970

From what I understand and have been dealing with, yes, anger is VERY common in dementia. Unfortunately my mom is now physically abusive as well. Sorry you are also experiencing abuse, just wanted to wish you good luck......

AimeeK

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/196855#Comment_196855

@jennwood1970 I'm sorry to hear you are now dealing with physical abuse. Thanks for the luck and good luck to you as well!!