My DH is losing ground, but I am not sure if it is because we moved.

Palmetto Peg

My DH and I have moved twice in a little over a year. The first time we moved to a single family home to be near his brother. something my DH was sure would solve all of his problems. That was a total disaster, and as soon as the golf season was over, my DH was so depressed and anxious he couldn't leave the house. I knew the first move was a mistake, and decided not to continue to live there. So, we moved to a continuing care retirement community, because I thought it would be a better setting for DH. No need to drive, lots to do, people around to talk to, etc. It would also be easier for me because in our previous home he was so miserable.

DH has adjusted somewhat, and says he likes it here and enjoys the indoor pool, gym, and some of the activities. But, I have noticed that he has lost a lot more of his ability to remember things in the past. He doesn't know the timelines about when we met, got married, moved different places, etc. He is also very clingy and needs so much more attention than before the move. Do you think he will get back to his previous levels, or are we moving into a new stage? We have been here almost a month, and he does have a daughter with a new baby that we have seen several times very close by and he loves that, but he seems to have declined quickly in other ways.

It's taking a toll on me because he follows me around asking for hugs and doesn't want to let me sleep if he is awake during the night. I feel like I have a toddler instead of a husband. Any ideas - is this permanent, or is there something I can do? He is also taking galantamine, and I read on here where it can cause delusions, which he has also been having. Those are new, too. He thinks his late mother is talking to him, and one night she "told" him that it was his time to die. I responded by having a conversation with her where I told her I still needed him and he was staying with me. Yikes!!

Thanks so much for any input or suggestions. I always learn so much here!

GiGi1963

Peg, from your post it sounds like he has been diagnosed but is now moving into a new phase. Some of the things you describe, clingy, not letting you sleep, and delusions are exactly what my husband does. Also, repeated questions all day long. He is also like a toddler, especially at the grocery store wanting goodies. He has been on Galantamine for several years and has delusions at times. He is probably stage 6. I hope for your sake it is just the double move that is causing these symptoms. I am sure others will respond. This is just my thoughts. Take care.

M1

Peg you're probably moving into a new stage, and honestly it was likely inevitable and not related to the move. No way to know for sure, but you shouldn't beat yourself up, especially if it's a good fit for you going forward. If you think the galantamine isn't helping and is causing side effects, you can always hold it for a while to see if he's better without it. I'm underwhelmed about all of the drugs anyway, freely admit it.

Laurie1282

Six months ago, my HWA and I sold our big old home, downsized and moved 1200 miles to be closer to our oldest son. While he "knew" what was going on at the time, he has declined rapidly since our move. He wants to go home, wants to call his wife to let her know where we are (even though I am sitting next to him) and now lately wants to call his long dead parents. I have been trying not to feel guilty about pressuring for this move which may have hastened his decline. On the other hand, he may have declined like this even if we hadn't moved. The move has made my life much simpler and less stressful so I am trying to tell myself that I will be a better caregiver and who knows when/how fast the decline would have happened anyway. Second guessing doesn't help either of us.

Ed1937

It's really hard to say if the move(s) made things escalate, but you thought it was a good thing to move when the decision was made. That's the best anyone can do, and you should never feel guilty for any decisions you make when you're doing your best. Even if it doesn't work out.

harshedbuzz

@Palmetto Peg

My advice is for the caregiver to make sure they're in a place that takes advantage of any support they may have (someone to be your advocate in an emergency and arrange care should you be unable to) and where they'll want to be in Stage 8.

My parents used to snowbird between the MD beaches/golf and FL. Dad was used to this as his reality. I don't think this routine caused any real disease progression TBH. After dad was diagnosed, well into the middle approaching late stages, I moved my parents more than I would have liked. He went from FL in July to hospital in PA in August, to SNF/rehab in September, to the apartment in October to a weekend in a hotel while we set up the house in February. A year later, he went into MC. This wasn't ideal, but I don't think it had any impact on his rate of the actual disease progressing organically or in terms of symptoms/function.

HB

Palmetto Peg

Thank you all for your helpful advice. I do think this is the right place for both of us. He will have memory care or assisted living available when he needs it, and I have supportive people around me. I was feeling guilty that perhaps the move was too much, but you have helped me realize that he is going to advance anyway, and we should be in a place that will provide the best options for both of us. I am going to take him off the galantamine and see what happens. I can't see that it ever made a difference, and it does cause some stomach issues for him. I hope he doesn't continue to decline rapidly, but it truly is no way for anyone to live. There is a support group for caregivers here, and I plan to attend that. It can't be as good as this forum, but any help is good help!

ButterflyWings

The decline and progression in dementias is inevitable. Please don't beat yourselves up. Care needs drive the decision-making and sometimes you have to move. Or work. Or take respite care.

mrahope

Just another person testifying on this matter. We moved about 200 miles last July to be closer to our son and family. My DH griped the whole time, then decided he liked it here, and most recently has started griping again. BUT, it's a whole lot more support for ME because we're now very near to DS and his family and they have helped enormously. Yes, he has declined, but not at a rate anywhere beyond where it was before. If you feel supported, I believe you will be a better caregiver.

jfkoc

Change can have an effect but I think probably not long term.

A local support group will be a great value to you finding Drs and services.

mommafour

We sold our home and moved to an apartment in a different city about a month ago. I anticipated some cognitive decline due to the move but DH was already declining faster prior to our move. It was actually the reason this needed to happen. The only issues I noticed, other than what was already occurring, is that he had trouble acclimating to the new living space. For example, he opens several doors looking for the bathroom, asks where we keep the refrigerator, etc. I’ve noticed some improvement in his adjustment to the apartment but I also feel strongly that other areas of DH’s current decline would be happening whether we had moved or stayed in our home. I hope you find support in your new area. Being in the right place for you will help you as a caregiver. That’s what I’m hoping for myself too.

Palmetto Peg

We have been here a month now, and DH still looks everywhere for the bathroom. It is 1000 sq. ft. apartment - at first I had to bite my tongue not to make some snarky comment, but I realize that he really is disoriented. For some reason, the bathroom seems to be the hardest for him to find, but there has been some improvement. I use a different bathroom because his is such a mess, and mine is first in the hallway, so of course he sees that first. His is in the master bedroom so he can easily find it at night, and that seems to be working out. Change is just so hard for PWD's.