Hypersexuality
My husband talks about sex constantly, uses language he never used before, and is grabby like a teenager ( he's 72). I am not dealing well with this, I see him differently now that I am his caretaker and he is incontinent and hates to shower. I usually change the subject but it's making him upset.
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There is another post in the forum on the same topic. Subject line "horny". You may find some of those comments helpful. I did a search and here is the link to a dozen or so earlier threads on this issue. Hoping it helps you. My DH went through this very common phase, but thankfully was not one of the situations that gets extremely out of hand and even dangerous.
I avoided as you are doing, and it eventually subsided in a few weeks as his Alz progressed, and possibly the meds that we were increasing for other reasons (frequent hallucinations and delusions triggering dangerous behavior), may have helped stop this issue for us.
https://alzconnected.org/search?domain=all_content&query=Hypersexuality&scope=site&source=community
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I'm having the same issue, except now my husband is accusing me of having affairs! The way he spoke to me was so full of hate that I was actually frightened. He called me all kinds of derogative names, said I was disgusting, etc. What meds help with delusions and anger? I also wonder just how much abuse do we have to take? I know his brain is sick, but what about me? Should I have to be accused of things I would never, ever do, and just nod my head? What a terrible disease!
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That's awful. My husband is on 30 mg Prozac (Fluoxetine) and his mood is happy and pleasant. His neurology PA is sympathetic but says Seroquel can be really dangerous and has no other suggestions for his " preoccupation". But I think you probably do everything for your husband and I think you need to be strong and protect yourself from the feeling that would come with submitting to his sexual wants when you don't want to
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Thank you! I don't think his attitude will pass, he's been preoccupied for well over a year ( diagnosed 4 years ago) and it makes me not want to be near him. Then I remember how he was and I feel terrible but not terrible enough to have sex
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@bonkey FWIW, my LO has taken Seroquel safely and successfully for several years. At a fairly high dosage (300 mg daily, disbursed throughout the day). He is not sedated, lethargic, nor has he ever had any negative side effects at all. And this is not a large man, so I think your PA needs to reconsider how they are talking with dementia families about the standard black box warning.
"Very dangerous drug" is a relative term when there might be a potential risk to a small fraction of patients, versus the huge benefit it provides to my DH for example, who is dying of this awful brain disease regardless. I swear by Seroquel. That med was the only thing that kept him from behaviors that would most certainly harm himself or others had they continued. He is more calm (so am I, as a result) and it hasn't caused him any catastrophic episodes.
Full disclosure for perspective: like many spouse caregivers (and non-spouses) here, if something else were to take my DH quickly it would not be the worst thing given how Alz is ravaging his mind, body, and overall quality of life anyway -- so it was worth the minimal risk to try the med and see if it helped him. It does.
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Thank you. I hear you. Our daughter is a nurse and she was against it also which kind of surprises me because she agrees that if his skin cancers went south that wouldn't be the worst thing - I'll talk to the PA
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The atypical antipsychotics like Seroquel and Risperdal are your best bet, and it’s a red flag to me that a neurologist wouldn’t know that. Ask for a geriatric psychiatrist referral and be very frank with them just as you have been here. It may or may not get better on its own with the passage of time, and can be a real barrier to placement or participation in day programs as most of the aides are female. As mentioned on other threads also, be sure he doesn’t have internet access.
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May I ask who prescribed it? DH sees a neurologist ( mostly the PA), I will look into geriatric psychiatrists
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Bonkey, if you can get a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist, that would probably get you in to see one soon. Without a referral, it could take quite a long wait for an appointment. I agree that that's the person you want to see for medication challenges.
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Bonkey our internist prescribed Seroquel for my partner, with the initial indication being sleep fragmentation. She's remained on a very low dose initially 25mg at bedtime and now 50mg at bedtime. There's a very wide dosing range typically up to 300-400 mg daily in dementia but up to 800 mg daily in schizophrenia. Like I say, red flag that the neurologist or PA shied away from it. IMHO anyone who sees dementia patients needs to know how to use these meds.
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@bonkey DH's diagnosing Dr. prescribed it initially. Neuropsych. But palliative care, hospice Dr, or PCP also can, and have for us in a pinch, I think. Once he had a diagnosis and I was comfortable that he responded well to that med, the others who could see it in his chart would not push back on refilling it since it keeps him stable and they are part of the same overall team.
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The neurologist just warned that it has its side effects and increased risk of heart attack and stroke,and my daughter, a nurse, said she's seen so many zombie patients on it, and how dangerous it can be. But DH talks about sex literally most of the day. He is pleasant and funny, but I can't take this
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all the atypical antipsychotics have a "black box" warning about risk of vascular events in older patients, but the risk is actually quite small, and the benefits are potentially huge both to you and to him. You won't know unless you try. Typically the starting doses are very small and are titrated up to control the behavior. If your neurologist won't prescribe it, as for a referral to a geriatric psychiatrist.
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Am I the only wife who has this problem, I hardly ever read about hypersexuality and the problems it causes.
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Hyper sexuality is real and difficult to handle. I am experiencing this with my husband currently. Any tips are appreciated
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It's awful, right? I don't want to be around him which I hate
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Tell me please, how is her after the Seroquel? Is he quieted down, can have a conversation 1#?
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There are many, many threads on Seroquel, if you search you will find multiple discussions. Many on this forum have and are using it with very good results.
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My dad had hypersexual behavior-- mostly very inappropriate talk. Like could have been arrested kind of talk. He also once tried to have sex with his granddaughter in the middle stages which cost him (and my mom who tried to dismiss it as joking) a relationship for several years.
Dad started on 25mg at dinnertime primarily to tamp down his aggressiveness and delusions. He was a bit sleepy the week or so, but was still conversational and ambulatory. Later we added a second am dose when he started back up on the violent ideation. Again, he was sleepier for a couple days but mostly conversational and ambulatory.
In addition from helping to get him unstuck from his hypersexual talk, it damped down his delusions which were a huge problem. By tamped down, I mean it made it possible to redirect or manage his upset with validation strategies.
HB
PS This was important to me especially as my mom has a lot of medical issues and I feared if something happened to her-- death or a hospitalization-- it would be difficult to place him in a good MCF.
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I love your name:)
We aren't there yet- mostly he is just terribly annoying and clawing to me; he's like a twelve- year- old boy , all handsy and grinning. He has made comments in front of our adult children which mortifies me, but he's still "with it" enough that I can't yet see him being sexually explicit with someone. I have noticed an increase in anger over small issues which is a drag. My feeling is mostly resentment that this is happening to him which prevents me from being loving and helpful alot of the time. He's really still pretty wonderful.
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Having similar issues with sex. DH is always teasing about it. If I say I have to shower, he makes a sexual comment... I feel like he is constantly taking any subject and referring to having sex. We do have a "date night" which includes being together intimately. However, he forgets by the next morning. When I would tell him we had it last night, he accuses me of lying and saying I lost my desire for him. So, I started to write it down on a calendar when it happened. He then switched to when is our next date night going to happen. So I started writing that down. Now if it is not within a few days, he starts accusing me of the no longer desire him or his sex comments increase to try to get me in the mood. Sometimes I feel like I'm living with the dirty old man on the block😒
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Welcome to the forum quilter42. Talk to his doctors. There are medications that can tamp this down. Loss of inhibition mght become an issue in any day care program, memory care, or bringing help into the home. Hopefully he doesn't have internet access? Porn sites can be very problematic.
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Check out the podcast called "Remember Me", they just had a really good episode dealing with this.
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Thanks! I'll talk to the doctor about it. Glad I found this forum🙂
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I love podcasts so definitely will check it out! Thanks!
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Same here. I can't walk through a room without him stopping me to "hug". So far not aggressive but persistent. Just wondering how long this will last? Is it just while in the middle stages of the disease?
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
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VD = Vascular Dementia
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AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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