WAY, WAY off topic

Ed1937

The epitome of low class (in my opinion). We recently lost a long time resident, and the funeral home handling the service is asking people who buy flowers or other things from their "store" to leave a tip (18% default). Let's face it. If you buy from a funeral home, you will pay much more than you would for the same thing from other online stores. Then they want a tip? The tip I would give them would be not to ask for a tip, but show a little more empathy for the grieving family.

I have no problem leaving a minimum of 20% for the waitress when eating at a restaurant, but WOW! A funeral home? Maybe as consumers we should start asking for a tip when supporting businesses. It's getting absolutely crazy!!

M1

Agree completely, tacky tacky! Not so far off topic, given that we all anticipate needing services at some point. I've been thinking about writing my partner's obituary ahead of time, and shopping around for bare bones cremation services. I will scatter her ashes on our farm, part in a beautiful shady cove we call Sweet Bluff, and part in a high back field we call Top of the World. Then I'm going to throw a picnic for any and all of her contracting subs that I can round up, so that we can tell outrageous stories. Anyone else who has done this kind of advanced planning?

Quilting brings calm

The cost of a funeral is outrageous as it is. On top of that, I consider flowers to be a retail store. Online or not. I don’t tip at stores. The price should have already factored in the salary of the person providing the service. Which should be at least non tipping minimum wage. They aren’t on the sane category as waitresses.

Wag91

I paid for my DH final arrangements (cremation) last year so I won't get taken advantage of in my time of grief and talked into a lot of things I won't need....prices continue to rise in all aspects of life, even death 💔 I like what you're planning M1...sounds peaceful and stress free 🙏

fmb

@M1, that would be the type of memorial that I would want for myself. I want to be cremated and my ashes spread along a particularly beautiful part of a local walking trail that I frequent regularly. DH has a pre-paid funeral policy and (supposedly) paid-for casket lined up. All purchased many years ago before we met. The casket company has since gone out of business, so I have a feeling I will be purchasing a casket. He will be buried with his previous wife (died 24 years ago). He does not want a funeral ceremony at all since all of his friends and most of the family are deceased. I recently told one of his daughters that I would rather have a memorial picnic with the remaining family at a date and location convenient for all of us, especially if he dies in the middle of a Pennsylvania winter. I have basically written his obituary in my head, just need to put it on paper. My mother made all of her arrangements last year around the same time she voluntarily sold her car and house, had an estate sale, and moved herself into AL (now in MC). She even had my sister write her obituary (Sis writes obits for a funeral home in another state.)

Kibbee

@M1 - your plan is lovely. It sounds like a beautiful and fitting tribute to your partner and her life.

Quilting brings calm

@fmb

==The casket company has since gone out of business, so I have a feeling I will be purchasing a casket. ==

The money for the casket was probably paid to the funeral home, not the casket company. When my in-laws died, the caskets they had picked out were no longer available. We were given a choice of a few equivalent choices or upgrading to a different category of casket for a small fee.

When our son died last spring, we were supposedly given a discount on the funeral since we purchased the casket from the funeral home. They then dealt with the supplier. The funeral was much more expensive than people say the average cost is, but we had had life insurance on him purchased when he was a child and that covered it.

Joydean

We paid for our cremation last year and my dh’s ashes will be placed in the VA cemetery. He asked that we ,his family and friends have a big fish fry and no tears! He was an avid fisherman and won many tournaments. Oh and play county music and dance! So that’s what he will get!

Jeff86

My funeral parlor shock when my wife died was the invoice price was for ‘cash’ and they charged an additional 3% for using a credit card rather than cash. Who has thousands of dollars in cash for such expenses. I felt ripped off and taken advantage of.

At any rate, I am bringing my DW’s ashes to the ocean in South Carolina where our family will gather and we will spread them at sea. As we did with her mother, sister, and brother in law. When we spread Dick’s ashes at sea, my DW wrote this exquisite poem in which she spoke of giving the ocean this treasure, which the tide would be obliged to return, twice a day.

This final final letting go will be emotional. But that’s how I’ll think about it.

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197244#Comment_197244

Thank you, that is good to know. I should contact the funeral home and find out exactly what I will be dealing with regarding the prepaid burial policy so I am not blindsided when the time comes to use it.

harshedbuzz

@Ed1937

That's a new low in tastelessness. I would expect to tip a delivery person who brought flowers (or pizza) to my home, but certainly not the funeral home's own shop for delivery to their own facility.

@Jeff86

The 3% surcharge is a thing now at small businesses. Rising credit card processing fees take a real bite out of the margins at small businesses. I see this a lot at restaurants. Many gas stations here post a cash/credit price. The local dairy finally started accepting credit/debit cards with 3% convenience charge. I am in the midst of some spendy dental work-- the dentist, endodontist and oral surgeon I see playing this a bit more positively. They give a price and offer a 3% "discount" for payment by check or cash.

@M1

That sounds like a loving and fitting (and probably fun) tribute for your dear partner. I've known a few folks who've done similar. My old boyfriend from college had a dad who was quite the rascal-- they had a "life celebration" in a catering space that was more of a roast than funeral.

This place has made simple cremation a business model. My friend used them for her DH's cremation last fall. The customer service was great considering the no-frills pricing. She was a bit at sea in next steps when he passed and as the baby of the family she'd never "made arrangements" before. We used a traditional locally owned funeral home for dad's cremation 5 years ago which was about $1500 and offered a bit more hand-holding through making arrangements which we needed.

Cremation Service Pricing - Cremation Society of America

Off-topic story about planning.

When my sister died, I went with mom to plan her memorial service. My sister had arranged for a specific funeral home to collect her body, so we made an appointment there. The place seemed shady. My sister had wanted cremation, but the salesperson was hell-bent on upselling the grieving mother. He wasn't very good at it. I felt like I'd landed in a surreal SNL sketch. After my mom made it clear she wasn't paying for hair, makeup or an upgraded vehicle for transport to the crematorium, he backed off and told us "Cremation can be a loving choice. I want to assure that we are very respectful. We cremate individually and we never do dogs". It was such a ridiculous notion my mom and I looked at each other and burst out laughing. "We never do dogs" has become a family punchline.

HB

M1

Love that story HB!!!! Thanks for the chuckle. Hilarious....

Beachfan

OMG!!!! “We never do dogs.” I am all alone here and I laughed out loud. Classic.

On another note, a friend made lunch arrangements at an upscale restaurant outside Philadelphia for a group of us, buddies from high school. Prior to the date, I checked the website for directions and discovered their 5% “wellness charge”, included on each bill. It was for paid sick leave, mental health treatment and other employee benefits. That in addition to a credit card surcharge. We didn’t go to lunch there.

mrahope

Just leaving my experience for those who may be interested. When my Mom was in her last months, the hospice social worker had us sit down and discuss "arrangements". We were lucky that Mom was very clear that she really didn't care and her statement was, "whatever will bring comfort to you girls" (I have two sisters and no other siblings). That left us free when the time came. We elected for a cremation immediately, and then held a "celebration of life" at a small local woman's club. We had musicians (Mom was a gifted pianist) play her favorite songs and any and all were invited to speak to the group about their memories. We even served special foods she liked, down to the lemon bars and mini pizzas. As for the ashes, since she'd expressed no preference, we decided on a "Viking Funeral" because the extended family had ashes to scatter, too. This included two uncles, my grandmother, and even Mom's cat! I researched and found biodegradable containers for the ashes in the shape of large turtles, which were then launched from a boat dock on my sister's property. FWIW, research regulations in your part of the country, because many do not permit this except on private property. This was six months after the other celebration, and the launch was followed by a potluck. It was much less sentimental, though nonetheless heartfelt.

LadyTexan

Hello Ed.

I would surely avoid a funeral home that suggested an 18% gratuity on already over priced flowers.

Being the dog lover that I am, I would likely gravitate to a crematory that also serves my furry friends. But holy cow, I couldn't help but chuckle at the story "We never do dogs".

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68075/way-way-off-topic

It is terrible. I would buy flowers somewhere else.

M1

I have several boxes of dog ashes in our barn. Y'all have given me ideas--maybe I'll scatter them too when the time comes. My partner would actually love that. She herself is so full of metal (neck, lumbar spine, both knees) that we thought about just taking her to the metal recycling facility.... 😂. I do have a telephone appointment re: prepaid cremation tomorrow morning. Thanks for getting me off the starting block on this one.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197217#Comment_197217

What a wonderful idea! It is so much better than paying for an expensive funeral home for people who haven't given a hoot about your DW when she was alive. Our culture is so commercialized. The funeral home scene is so stressful for the family.

Ed1937

M1, I think your partner would love that.

FWIW, there are some good funeral homes if you can find them. We had an excellent funeral home close to home, where you could go, and not feel like someone had their hand in your pocket. The owner had this place for years, then decided to semi retire. So he sold the funeral home to a corporation, and worked for them for a while. When he saw how profit driven they were, he quit, and built another funeral home about a block away from the old place. He built such a name for himself that he had no problem fighting the big money. I've used his services for my son in his original place, then for my wife in his new place. Never any pressure for anything. He made the grieving family feel as though they mattered, not because of their money, but because they were grieving. He recently retired, and his grandson took over. I'm sure it will still be a comfortable place to take your LO.