How much do I tell him

NYCheryl

My DH is in moderate stage but losing adl skills. He does not think he has any problems. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2020. I have been doing good but now it has gone to my liver. I am worried sick about him. He has no short term memory. How much do I tell him? He won't remember and if he does he will just keep with the repetitive questions. He thinks he can live alone which he can't. He thinks he can drive which he can't. He is resistant to help coming in. Doesn't think it is necessary. I take care of his meds, meals, appts everything. Have to remind him to change his clothes and take a shower. I am in process of putting him on a waiting list for facility with full continuum of services including memory care and am doing so without his knowledge. Our only family is our 2 daughters both whom have severe disabilities. I still oversee their care. Would it be pointless to try and have any kind of discussion with him? Do I tell him my cancer is back?

JDancer

I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this, you certainly have a lot on your plate.

You posted under "caring long distance." You may get more responses if this is posted under, "I am a Caregiver," or "Caring for a spouse."

I wouldn't (and don't) discuss my health with my DH for all the reasons you mentioned. I would love to unburden myself by sharing with DH, but there's no benefit. Likewise with planning for the future. You know what needs to be done, his input wouldn't help and the discussion would likely upset him.

If you haven't seen a CELA, yet, please do so immediately. Your situation is very complicated and the help will be invaluable.

pezman13

I can't comment on talking about your health, but I have experience with a parent who denies that her memory problems are serious enough for her to need care. My siblings and I are trying to be as patient and supportive as we can; our mom lives with a friend who is aging, and her friend wants her to move out. However, she won't tell my mom that, and mom really doesn't want to go.