Dad thinks I am my mom

heidijudd

I need recommendations on how to deal with this ... dad called me tonight in tears saying how much he missed me and wished we could still be married. I gently said, daddy, it's me, your daughter. I think you might be thinking about mom...I tried to change the subject, tried to talk about what a great marriage he had with mom, told him I was married and had been married to my husband for 40 years...nothing worked. I am the only family member locally, my sister passed away in 2023. We live about 20 mins from his facility so I am able to go visit several times a week. Do I stop going to see him so often so he isn't getting confused about my regular presence? He has become very dependent on me for most things, calls me about 10x/day so I can see how this would be easily confused and I look very much like my mother! If you have experience with this, how long did it last? Is this a "phase" or just a behavior that has to be managed? When he was hospitalized before moving him to the community he lives in now, he thought I was his wife then as well. It's so hard and makes me very sad to hear him crying and grieving my mother who has been gone since 2012.

heidijudd

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/197956#Comment_197956

Thank you for your input! I know it is so hard to "repeat grieve" when they forget that a LO has passed. I thought about that when we were talking on the phone but I was not sure how to address why I was not with him at the moment, no longer living with him generally...then the next time I see him would he belive I was mom? I know there is not way to answer that and that's what makes this so very hard.