Wife resistant to outside caregiver

Alex501

My wife is in the moderate stage of AD- increasing confusion, impaired memory and judgment, needs some assistance with meds, etc. I am her full time caregiver and would like to bring in an aide 1-2 times per week for companion, light housekeeping, and my need to get out for short periods. She is adamant and triggers easily on this topic. I know that the loss of control, feared loss of independence, lack of privacy are all contributing to her thoughts on the subject. We are at a bit of a standstill. Forcing it, seems cruel and yet I dont think I can sustain this level of involvement. Advice?

Ed1937

Hi Alex. Welcome to the forum that we wish was not needed.

Many times people have been advised to try to make your loved one think the extra help is for you, and is not meant to be there for her. Maybe you could stick around the first time help comes in so she thinks it's for you. Then you could find an excuse to leave the next time they come, after being there for a little while with both of them.

Another thing that has worked is to tell them you have a friend who is schooling to work with people in the home, and they need to get the experience to graduate from the class. This might also work. Others should be by with more ideas.

Always make sure the help is onboard with whatever you are trying.

Jeannielou

Could you have someone come in, maybe for a short at first time to help you so you are better able to spend more time with her? If she was able to establish a bond rather than have it thrust at her she would be more receptive. The aide could do more for her as they become better acquainted.

jfkoc

It is all in the approach and any variation on "you need help" is doomed!!!!