Opposite Shadowing

wose

I read about shadowing a lot, but my DH is constantly trying to get rid of me. He’s always asking me if I’m going to go upstairs soon. It’s like he doesn’t want me around. He is way beyond apathetic, not interested in anything but watching TV and going for a ride as long as he’s driving. He’s constantly makes snide remarks about me making things difficult for him. I don’t know how to gain his trust or if that’s possible anymore. His friends still seem to be on “his side” which doesn’t help me with his total distrust. It’s so heartbreaking.

S. Lynch

I’m so sorry this is happening for you. We went through a phase for several months that was all about how the kids and I were out to get him. He was open to repeated discussions when we were both calm that reminded him I love him and want the best for him. The doctors helped with some conversations. I could print their notes and show him when he thought I was crazy. For know he trust me, but I am just a caretaker not really a companion anymore.

M1

I remain worried about you. I hope you can let the neurologist know the true state of affairs. Did she pick up on the fact that your husband was belittling you in front of her? i fear you may have been too nice about all of it. If there's a patient portal, perhaps that will be a channel you can use.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68175/opposite-shadowing

Hi Wose, Did I read that he is still driving? Please don't let him drive. The consequences of him hurting others, himself or you will be devastating.

ThisLife

wose, My H was always irritated by me being in the open area of the house and engaging in the necessities of daily life, vacuuming, cooking, laundry, etc. I think he needed quiet. He would sometimes go to his room and slam the door. He could just as easily watch TV there. I offered to put a comfortable chair with table. That caused an outburst. And the friends who said nothing was wrong in front of him! OMG! It's all just exhausting.

wose

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198181#Comment_198181

No, of course I do not let him drive. That is precisely where all his rage comes from. Hopefully DMV papers will be arriving shortly, which will have dire unforeseen consequences I fear. But what choice is there? I know he will blame me because as he sees it, “I got the ball rolling”. In the beginning, I told him he could be having mini strokes to help defend my necessary actions but all of that is unforgotten now. And yesterday his son came over and they went out to lunch while I ran errands. His son let him drive unbeknownst to me a good 50 miles interstate traffic. I found out today by noticing the passenger side seat. His son knows better as I’ve told him repeatedly no driving.

JDancer

I'm glad to hear he's not driving. Your post that started this thread made me think he was.

I'm sorry he's being so mean to you. he's lucky to have you caring for him.

Denise1847

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198262#Comment_198262

So glad to hear he is not driving. This is tough life. Hang in there.

M1

I'd be absolutely furious at his son. You'd be justified to leave and let his son cope. Enough already, they are practically driving you away. Unbelievable.

LaneyG

Wose, I can empathize with your pain. My husband shadows but I wonder if that will shift closer to your experiences. The driving thing is the main source of conflict and agitation accusations mistrust etc in our household as well. I feel like it’s killing me. A recent med change has taken a bit of the edge off his ranting but I need it all to go away. His doctor said he would report to the DMV. DH is asking for a test. I need to follow up. I would appreciate hearing how things go once he does hear from the DMV. M1 mentioned the patient portal. I sometimes do use that on my husband’s behalf. He would be livid I know. But the way I see it he no longer has the ability to describe what is going on with him. He is no longer on top of his other med issues. I can see the pain and hell that he going through due to depression and panic over his loss of independence. His providers need to know what is going on. Hang in there.