I think I’m losing it…..

hiya

My DH constantly moves things. Tonight, for the last 3 hours he hasn’t stopped. Phone chargers, clocks, hair dryer anything. He then denies moving things as he can’t remember. I’m just so tired of living like this knowing it can go on for years. I think he is early stage 5. He doesn’t recognize being married, asks about his mother, confuses the area he grew up in 60 years ago to where we live now. I go through periods when I just can’t stand it and then periods of guilt because I know he can’t help it and I feel so bad for him. I think I need a break for a couple of weeks to just experience something normal. Has anyone put their LO in a memory care facility for some respite? Did it cause a decline? Did they go back to ‘normal’ when they returned home? Respite sounds good but the thought of dealing with possibly harder behaviors upon return scares me.

i know many of you have it way worse than I do. I think I’m just venting as it’s been one of those nights. You are all in my prayers.

SSHarkey

I had to remove my father from his home with my mother. She was verbally abusing him and it was having terrible effects on him. She was burned out. She screamed at me for taking charge of the whole thing. It couldn’t have been more than three days later that she completely reversed and told me how she didn’t realize how much the constant pressure had affected her. It was a terrible choice to have to make . He loved being home. But she was still capable of living independently and he needed support. Bottom line, respite is an absolute gift! Take advantage of it! Those few days of a break can help you recharge, rest, and relax without looking over your shoulder every second. You don’t realize how wound up you are until you get away from it.

M1

Hiya i never did a respite, but i can completely empathize, my partner still does this stuff in her MC room as she did at home, it's just smaller scale. One of the first things i do on every visit is to look for what's been moved this time, and then i gradually get things back in their proper places. That includes usually having to plug her lamps and music player back in, put a picture back on the wall,and find her toothbrush and glasses. We can't leave a laundry basket in her room because she'll use it to try to pack up her clothes. She will routinely put a few items in her trash can.

Reading other threads, it seems these days that many places will only do a respite stay for 30 days. So be prepared for that- but call around and see. You can think of it as a trial run.

harshedbuzz

My mom intended to schedule dad for a month's respite to attend her sister's funeral. Doing so made her realize it was time for permanent placement.

When my dad went through a short phase where he was hiding things for safekeeping. I reversed the locks on a couple of rooms and the attic space to limit his access and debris field.

HB

ghphotog

If I didn't know better this sounds exactly like me a while back. My wife would do the same things. We lost her wedding ring years later I found it in an old shoe in the closet. I was always at my wits end.

Hang in there and get help anyway you can. It is a long road that most times will seem like it will never end.

DTSbuddy

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68200/i-think-i-m-losing-it

My DH gets restless and moves things also. A walk every day helps reduce this. We are averaging 4 miles a day. Sometimes a helper takes him. I put his walking shoes into a locked trunk, so I can find them when we are ready to go out and so he doesn't wear them in the house and track dirt.. He has not noticed that the trunk is locked,, yet. We spend time daily looking for things, his glasses, razor, rain jacket, etc. Also, he stashes apple cores and banana peels in the weirdest places. Why can he sometimes remember where things go, and other times, has no idea? Hiya, WE ARE NOT CRAZY. This is challenging. I keep most of our home tidy, but the shop and the guest room are a total mess. I have to get rid of stuff, but as soon as I start to sort, he rearranges. My DH has almost no language, so there is no point in asking where things are. Most important is that he stay calm and cheerful, as the alternative is not pretty. Good luck to you.

Wag91

Through our journey, I've called these "phases" - My DH used to do this, but has now gone on to something new. Hang in there!

l7pla1w2

I refer to the "looking for things" as a scavenger hunt or treasure hunt. Or something disappearing into the fifth dimension. On Sunday a week or so ago, DW misplaced her glasses and was driving me nuts that she couldn't see without them. We looked everywhere in the house, and didn't find them: drawers, shelves, closets, pockets. We went to an optician on Monday and ordered a new pair, which takes 1-2 weeks. A day or two later the (original) glasses apparently dropped out of the fifth dimension, and DW was wearing them. She didn't remember where she found them. I wish I knew her secret hiding place!

Keys go missing, wallet goes missing, checkbook goes missing. Fortunately for me, so far DW hasn't stowed oddball things like food items.