Preparing for parent pet loss

pnw23

Hi everyone,

93 YO Mom with cerebral small vessel disease/suspected dementia and living independently--for now--has an elderly dog with Cushings that is in decline. Specificially, atrophying legs, stumbling, voracious appetite/thirst, growing incontinence, constipation, knuckling paws and stepping in own feces outside then tracking through the home. Over last several months, SIB and I have started putting diapers on the dog at night or when Mom has an appointment and can't let her outside. We are cleaning the floors more and more. Mom says she cleans but unfortunately, cannot see the depth of the messes. When we express concern about diminished quality of life, Mom says she seems fine and jokes (sort of) that we can't take her away from her. Our family has always had/loved pets we are worried about how Mom will react to living without her best companion. However, this cannot continue. It's an awful toss-up so many of us face. She has great respect for medical experts so we are hopeful that hearing a Vet say her baby is suffering from a diminished quality of life, will resonate.

My question for all of you is what your experience has been/advice you've heard/have re:

-how to console if she is upset, confused, angry or other

-what to say if she forgets then remembers the dog and is frantic about her being lost or other (I've heard fiblets work and to never cause repeated grief by telling her the dog has passed every time she asks)

-whether all signs of the dog should be pulled and when (bowls, bed, leash, supplies), etc.

I'm so concerned and want to do the most loving, right thing for the dog and my mom--knowing that she too is in decline. Thank you.

terei

Tell her you have to take the dog to the vet to be treated. If the dog needs to be put down, then do that. Tell her the dog is being treated at the vet’s..repeat, repeat, repeat. When she is unaware you are doing it, remove everything that i associated with the dog.

I would NOT take her to the vet’s with you to hear any news from the vet…she will just forget it anyway.

You can tell her the dog is at the vet’s for weeks, even months. She will forget about the dog if she is not reminded, IMO

SusanB-dil

Totally agree with terei. Would she possibly benefit from one of the Joy-for-all dogs? Perhaps wait a few weeks or so, and then try presenting one of them?

Sorry you have to go through that. Yes, our fur-babies are family. Unfortunately, there gets a point where either their time comes, and/or they cannot be cared for properly by our LO. We need to do what's best for both.

psg712

Agree with terei. I had to rehome my mom's cat when she moved to MC. I know, not at all the same as putting a pet down, but with the same result...pet is no longer a part of mom's life. I was surprised to find that she forgot about the cat so quickly. Sad evidence of advancing dementia ( she had this cat for nearly14 years), but better forgotten than deeply missed.