She wouldn't like it . . .

ghphotog

Wow, rearranged the living room, getting rid of things I'll never use.

She wouldn't like how I set the living room up and it hits me that she will never care anymore. Sitting in the "new" liviing room looking at the changes the reality hits me, it's just me now. I love her so much and it's heartbreaking to think that I she's in MC now. She's doing pretty well so far and I'm grateful for that. I loved being by her side, holding her hand everywhere and all the time. I miss that, I miss her.

Even so, for so long I dreamed of being "free" from caregiving, to live my own life again and now that I have that freedom I miss her even more.

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M5M

Photog, I am so proud of you…. you have taken a productive step in reorganizing your living room. Prayers the time moves comfortably for you as both you and DW adjust to new experiences.

Buggsroo

Ghphotog I understand how you feel. I miss my husband a lot. I have changed up our house to suit me and I tell him about it. He is in my heart and when I am busy it helps. I find notes written by him, addresses and phone numbers and I hold them in my hand to feel him near. Visit your wife, hold her hand and talk to her. No, she won’t care about the living-room but I imagine she will be happy to see you. I wish you the best.

fmb

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/198893#Comment_198893

You have described my situation exactly. Other than recycling stacks of his old news magazines, I have done nothing to move forward in changing things in the house. It is too painful and just seems disloyal somehow.

M1

Coming up on two years since MC, and I have cleaned out bathroom vanity drawers, but I can't bring myself to touch her closet, her clothes, multiple beautiful pairs of cowgirl boots. Much less any of the multiple other sites that will need cleaning--the garage, the barn, her workshop. The knowledge is there and I keep telling myself I would feel better to tackle just one shelf at a time, but it's not there.

Good for you for making a start gh. This is a marathon not a sprint, right?

sandwichone123

It took me about a year to start on his bedside table. I've moved his Tylenol and other OTC meds to the bathroom and the Rx meds to a holding area hoping I'll catch a disposal program sometime. I haven't moved anything else yet, even though I know he probably wouldn't know the difference if I did.

toolbeltexpert

Ghphotog it takes time. I walked that road changing things and eventually moving,then the realization dw was never coming home. Because home was already gone for her and me. So much we caregivers deal with. Stage 8 finds bags and bins of dw's clothes and family keepsakes. Clothes have gone to a NH rehab place as it only takes Medicaid so the residents if they have no family can't afford clothes. The staff often take a resident to the thrift store for clothing so for me it's a win win situation. Life does go on! It has to or dementia claims 2 lives. Dementia did take a part of my life but now I am claiming it back. Your just starting and that is a very positive thing that your doing. I am glad it's going well for your dw.

Stewart

Ed1937

I think it's great that you took that step forward with your new life. Congrats on that. My wife passed 20 months ago, and I still have a small tote full of her things that I haven't gone through because I thought it would be too painful. Now I have my daughters clothes and medical paraphernalia here to get rid of. We had her visitation Monday, and the last "out of towners" left last night. But we'll all make it, even though sad for a while.

ThisLife

My H has been in MC 5 months. I rearrange the living room pretty quickly as it better suited the two goldens that want to be in my lap. It took me a few weeks to feel comfortable there, though. And his chair is still there. I've been using the master bedroom less than a month. It still feels weird. Can't bring myself to use the toilet in the master bath. (Maybe TMI.) My clothes are still in the other room.

I was involved with a support group for people who had lost loved ones to suicide. The spouses ran a wide range in how they approached rooms/possessions. Both types of loss are tragic events and carry with them trauma. There is no correct answer to how something needs to be done.

I believe: Healing comes before action. We could all give ourselves a little more grace. There is no need to "Should" all over ourselves. And no action should be taken in haste. There is a big difference between "I need to do it" and "I'm ready to do it." Wishing everyone a measure of peace.

M1

Thanks for that thislife. I think I really needed to hear that. Lots and lots of shoulds but apparently I'm nowhere near ready.

ButterflyWings

This.

@ThisLife said: "...I believe: Healing comes before action. We could all give ourselves a little more grace. There is no need to "Should" all over ourselves. And no action should be taken in haste. There is a big difference between "I need to do it" and "I'm ready to do it." Wishing everyone a measure of peace."

#truth

Joydean

I’m glad for you in making your home comfortable for you. Everyone is different and have to move at their own pace and comfort level. My dh is still at home for now and is in stage 7. Before we got to this stage I was going through dh’s closet. He has/had more clothes than I do. Very nice shirts and pants and western boots that were just hanging there. I asked him how he felt about giving some of them away. Surprisingly he said give them to someone that can use them because I know I will never be able to them again. I did donate a bunch of them but some I just could not because of special times. I know I keep them for sentimental reasons. Knowing that some day.