Cleanliness, hygiene

AnderK

So today has been tough. Everyday is a a fight about getting going, and cleanliness. He woke up early...8 ish...sister coming for lunch at noon so I could check out some things elsewhere. He didn't change his depends(always new sweats and depends are laid out for him), and then I could not get him to take a shower (last one was Thursday). At least he changed his depends, and whatever sweats he had one weren't soaked through.

Sat all day, had a squabble about dinner (not hungry, how about salmon, don't go to the store, where is the salmon. Not hungry. And on and on.

About 7.15pm I suggested he go upstairs, get ready for bed, change into fresh depends and sweats, and once he was was settled in the TV room, I'd get us ice cream and we could watch NCIS. Ok, good plan. Went upstairs to wait. An hour later I heard the freezer open. Came down and he was eating ice cream, watching TV...he said he thought I had gone to bed without him.

I got a little Pissy and explained what we were going to do, and he said he didn't know that. Meanwhile his pants are soaked through. So I get him to go up, into the bathroom. Check on him every half hour and he is just sitting there, and tells me to calm down. He would not accept help. I finally sat on the hamper and tried to wait him out. I started to cry when he got angry with me when I suggested he take OFF the depends that are soaked through BEFORE he puts on the new ones. His answer? It doesn't matter.

Just as a side note, he lost his sense of smell the first time he had covid.

I finally left the bathroom at 10. He did change both and come to bed., but by this time, the pad on the chair was soaked, so residual got on his clean stuff. One more short load of laundry with vinegar and Zero Odor before midnight.

Probably TMI. I am tired of the power struggles. I am tired of the laundry when a simple change of clothes would help alleviate that acrid odor.

I am so close to Memory Care. Just don't know how to do it ( have a place)

Sorry. I am feeling crushed tonight.

Kathy

charley0419

I'm sorry for all your going through. My wife no way at where your husband is. I feel for you , I sometimes think my journey will be no way like all the others but I know in reality that's not going to be. You can only handle what you can MC is answer for many at one point. Just do what's best for your health. Keep the faith

Joe C.

Sorry you are having to deal with these challenges. Incontinence is one of the more challenging parts of this journey even when your LO accepts help but way more difficult in your situation. If you are starting to think about Memory Care start doing your research now. Visit a few MC facilities and ask lots of questions, especially about whether they allow residents to “age in place”. Some MC facilities do not allow residents to stay when to reach a certain criteria, such as when they can no longer walk independently or can no longer feed themselves. Ask a lot of question about what conditions would require that you move your LO.

Denise1847

Dear AnderK,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I can only imagine how it is. I am starting to see urine spots in my DH's underwear and know it is coming. I don't know how I will cope. I have an extraordinary sense of smell. My friends and family have said that I should get a job at the airport sniffing out drugs.

When the incontinence comes, I plan to use Vick's vapor rub under my nose.