2 Parents with dementia & memory care

amyg1970

Hello, new to the group. I have both my parents in memory care against their will. I know it's where they need to be, but they are both in denial that they cannot go back to their home and "live their life". They are blaming me for their situation and it breaks my heart. Anyone else in a similar situation?

SusanB-dil

Hi amyg - Welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason. Sounds like your folks have anosognosia. This is not denial of their situation, but rather, in their world, everything is fine and they don't see any deficit. You know that they are where they need to be for best care. A number of folks tell their LO that 'something' is wrong with their house, and they cannot go back to it at this time. Perhaps a broken water pipe or something similar. Repeat as necessary.

Sorry you are having to go through this, and not just one parent, but both.

Anonymousjpl123

Yes. Sadly, as my mom has progressed, it has mattered less to her that she is there (although she does still complain). It’s a terrible disease. I think people miss their old lives, what they had. Much easier to blame the decision-maker/care giver.

The only thing I have found that helps is finding things my mom likes - special lunches, tv shows, clothing, visits, etc. I’m not sure how far advanced your parents are and if they can leave, but if not, perhaps you can bring them magazines to look through, snacks, anything to make them feel more “normal.” This helped my mom especially in the beginning.

It is very normal to feel blamed and guilty, but neither is logical. I promise you did the right thing.

amyg1970

Thank you both for your responses. Life certainly didn't come with a playbook!