Dementia defies all logic

Hope5757

She’s stashing half eaten cookies in her closet. And thinks she caught cancer while attending college. (She was diagnosed with cancer at 80 years of age). She asked me why she didn’t give her parents cancer since they were all living in the same house.

How can someone who does/thinks these things still respond with clever quips? And curl her hair and put on makeup?

me: hang on just a moment and let me go pay for your manicure.

MIL responds with a grin: You mean we have to pay?!

Edited to add: I’m just tired and venting. I’m someone who needs order, structure and logic. And right now, my life is anything but orderly.

SusanB-dil

Defies all logic. Whoowee, you got that right!

harshedbuzz

There is no logic in dementia.

When dad was in the middle stages, we were occasionally treated to his barbed wit seemingly out of nowhere. My niece, 36, hosted Thanksgiving at her new home at which time she introduced us to her new boyfriend who was quite a few years her junior. Dad was very stuck on "teasing" her about being a cougar which was just mean-spirited in the context that this was the first real relationship for her since the accidental death of the man she planned to marry. I called him on it a few times in the days before I learned to be a dementia-whisperer. At dinner, the young man bounded down the stairs after getting something for my niece and dad looked me in the eye and loudly announced "it's so nice to have children in the house again".

HB

Hope5757

@harshedbuzz

I would have bounced from appalled to hysterical laughter!

I think I need to talk to her PCP about medication changes. Lately, she’s always angry and although I know there’s no logic with dementia, her constant anger is creating tremendous stress and conflict.

Quilting brings calm

Mom called me tonight. Her six month appointment with the neurologist that is treating the neuropathy in her feet is tomorrow. She’s very concerned about which shoes she should wear and if they should have the special insoles in them. I told her every time she asked ( three times in three minutes) that this doctor didn’t care about her shoes or insoles. Do you ever feel as if they can’t even process the answer to the question they repeatedly ask?

JeriLynn66

I can relate. You finish answering the question and then the same question is asked again and again. The other day I finally just said “I see this is bothering you, I can just take care of it for you if that’s okay?” I was ready to scream 🙀

fmb

QBC wrote: "Do you ever feel as if they can't even process the answer to the questions they repeatedly ask?"

Absolutely. When I left DH this afternoon, he asked me three times in less than a minute "How am I going to get downstairs?" (to supper in 2 hours) Each time, I told him that an aide ALWAYS comes to take him to meals. He simply couldn't process that.

psg712

For sure. Many years ago, I had great-grandparents who were in their 90s, married 70 years, had their own apartment above my grandmother's place. Great-grandmother was still mentally sharp, but Great-Grandpa had "gone around the bend" at about 90.

She was chatting with me, and he interrupted her at 3-minute intervals to ask, "how long have we been married?" She answered each time - until about the fifth time, when she shouted,"I'm not telling you any more!" He turned to my dad, shook his head and said, "Women!" Dad and I almost choked trying not to burst out laughing.

M1

Oh absolutely the processing is just not there. I think it's just rote speech. My partner always asks where i live, how long have we known each other, where do I live, can she go with me, and do i know her mother. You could make a bingo card out of it. If she tries to say anything else, the words are just not there.

H1235

My mom’s logic… if she can push her walker then there is no reason she can’t push a lawnmower. Unfortunately it’s followed by anger and resentment because we never let her do anything. After getting upset because I wouldn’t take her to her house she said “it’s my house and I can go there whenever I want and you can’t stop me.” Shows the age regression she is going through. Terrible teens paying me back.

Hope5757

@Chug

You’re exactly right. Their ability to reason goes so fast.

Last night, we had a literal tantrum. I know she was feeling angry and neglected but I don’t know why. My teacher sibling calls the trait an “inability to self-regulate”.

M1

Hope they are also called "catastrophic reactions" and are typical of stage 4+ dementia....

Hope5757

@M1

Thank you M1. I had heard of the expression but wasn’t sure what it meant. Like “sun downing”, I find myself often confused as to how terminology applies in real life.

Smilescountry

My dad does this quite a bit. He has always had a sense of humor, so sometimes it is difficult for many people to know when he is teasing and when he is serious or confused. I can tell because he doesn't put on a show for family, but it can be quite a chore at times! I am just hanging on to all the teasing and jokes because one day they won't be there any longer.