What to do?

gbriggs

My sister and I are so confused as what to do??? Our mother has a delusion of being harassed by a neighbor that doesn't exist. She believes he knows the code to get into her house and many other concerning delusions about this character. We tried to tell her months ago some of the things she was experiencing were delusions, but she became very upset and has made comments about not being crazy and this sis really happening. So now we go along with these stories and just try to remind her that she is safe. This feels so uncomfortable for us to keep going along with. She feels desperate to get his voice on tape and often talks about how she should get the police involved :( What to do next??? I know, take her to see a doctor, she won't hear of this. Play along? Tell her what we really think is happening and crush her world even worse?? We are so worried she will feel isolated and betrayed if we do this. So hard :( She is such a wonderful person and she has been a great mother to us. All so sad. I would appreciate anyone advice you have. Thank you!!

BassetHoundAnn

My mom went through these very same delusions. She grew convinced that a neighbor-friend was breaking into her house, that she had the garage code. My mom kept changing her locks and changing the garage code. She was obsessed with calling the police. If I tried to talk sense into her, assure her that her friends and relatives would not be breaking into her house, my mom would grow very angry. She would not be convinced. The delusions spread to relatives. She became convinced that they too were sneaking into her house, rearranging things, stealing things.

Yes, it is frustrating. And very heartbreaking. The best thing to do is to listen, to sooth, and not argue. When my mom entered this phase it was clear she could no longer live on her own. It was time to move her to our house or assisted living.

M1

Welcome to the forum. I agree completely that if she is delusional she should no longer be living alone. If you don't already hold power of attorney for her for healthcare and finances, then getting that is your first step, as you may have to make changes against her will. you can find certified elder law attorneys listed by location at nelf.org.

The delusions are very real to her, as you've experienced, but they are also unpleasant and distressing. One strategy folks use regarding doctor's visits is to tell her it's required by Medicare or you'll lose your insurance. You should be sure her doctor knows your concerns ahead of time, preferably in writing.

Hope this helps. Sorry you are facing this, but you've come to a good place for suggestions and support.

terei

You could try something like: Oh mom I ran into your neighbor and they told me (problematic neighbor) Is moving to Texas in a couple days! I am so relieved. I am sure you are too! He should be gone soon so he wont be bothering you. Be prepared to have the delusion evolve into a different neighbor or even a totally different delusion or it may not work at all.

I agree with telling her she has to see the doctor or her Medicare will be cancelled + telling the doctor in advance what is going on. There are meds that can work quite well for anxiety/delusions + that is what I would push the doctor for. The right thing to tell her is what she will accept + what keeps her calm. The truth, facts + logic simply do not work with PWD

diane6532

My mom went through the same type of delusions. We had to get involved as she told us that she got a gun out (that we didn’t know was there).

I already had POA so we started the steps of moving her into assisted living. It wasn’t easy and she was very upset with us for a very long time.

I know it’s hard but so much safer for her.

gbriggs

Thank you for your responses to my post. No easy answers as you have all experienced. I appreciate the support and advice. Best of luck to us all!