Mom calling every night demanding to leave

diane6532

Hi! New here. I have my mom in memory care as her Alzheimer’s is progressing. She is calling us and threatening suicide if we don’t get her out of there. We took her to the hospital and she spent some time there getting her meds adjusted.

We took the cell phone away as she was calling non-stop. Do we just go along and say that we are going to get her out? We are trying to figure out a way to get her to relax each night.

M1

Welcome to the forum. You did the right thing to remove the phone. I am so sorry and I so identify--my partner still asks to leave MC after being in there for two years next month. I keep telling her that she is there after a hospitalization (which is true) and that they are monitoring her kidney function and blood counts as well as getting physical therapy on her back (also true). None of it helps much. I tell her she can come home eventually when they say she is ready. Just go along, I think. I am saved by the fact that she has no sense of time whatsoever.

Is your mom getting medication for sleep?

Anonymousjpl123

@diane6532 welcome to the forum, and I am so sorry you are going through this very horrible disease with your mom. my mom with alz moved to MC in November. She was ok some days, but most days called incessantly (sometimes 30 times a day), miserable. It was so bad at one point I considered moving her back to AL, which was a no go anyway.

I strongly agree with M1 about telling your mom you understand and you are working on finding a new place for her. It sounds mean to lie, but she likely doesn’t understand logic anyway so it is just to make her feel better: that’s the goal.

I have yet to allow myself to take my mom’s phone. In a few weeks we will explore a landline since she tends to walk and dial, compulsively.

What has worked is blocking her calls for periods of time. This way, at work, I have some peace. When I’m emotionally ready, I call or visit. These days, she occasionally still tells me how much she hates it there and begs to leave, but more often it’s confusion.

Have you considered calling the MC staff when she’s calling you so upset? I found out sometimes when my mom was calling, she was actually fine - had just watched a movie, or played a game, or hung out with her peers. Sometimes the staff would send me a selfie of her calling to show she was comfortably sitting on a couch in the common area. It can help to know your mom is safe. Then when you see you, you say “oh I’m so sorry it’s so bad here, I promise we are working on a better place.” Or something like that.