Seeking support

lela1

Good evening all,

My mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last dementia about 4 or 5 years ago but she refuses to get a neurology treat test to see how far along she is. She is a fighter all the way, she's angry aggressive Sundowns paranoid and all of that. Then at other times she can be very pleasant and sweet I am afraid for her because lots of family members take advantage of her mental state and she doesn't trust anyone. This can be hard because I am her only child living and this makes this hard for me to help her I am afraid that my family may try to do something to her or take advantage of her if I leave her with them to try to access her assets or harm one of us to get them. I pray often and I just I'm looking for a support groups for myself she's in therapy groups where she's living. I have had to take over a lot of her things and I don't like it because she often thinks someone is trying to take her stuff or hurt her which is part of the illness. This illness is so hard to watch. I don't want to feel like I'm violating her privacy but if I don't take care of her assets someone else is going to take them from her, or her to get them. Any also I struggle with remembering that part of her actions are part of her illness and a lot of the hurtful Behavior/ treatment that she gave me as a child is worse now and abusive but I don't want to abandon my mom. Any suggestions or encouragement?

lela1

Oops sorry how do I find support groups online or offline in my area?

mommyandme (m&m)

Welcome to this place but sorry that you’re also on this journey. This may help you find what you need:

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/64696/dementia-resources

if you scroll down you’ll see “local support groups and community resources in your area” as a link. I’ve used it often.

I also cared for my mom at home and the “mommy issues” I encountered in myself were ominous at times. I’m sorry you’re on this journey, the kind, wise and supportive folks here were a lifesaver for me.

Smilescountry

I am so sorry that you are going through this. This site definitely has some good resources. Are you your mother's POA? Is someone else? Making sure that all legal affairs are in order needs to happen if you haven't already done so. The banks and other financial institutions can work with you to secure your mother's assets if you have POA. If someone else is POA, they can do that work. I have two parents with dementia, and my two sisters are separate but equal POAs for my parents. I don't think that they would ever take advantage of my parents, but another thing that I did was to set up Representative Payee accounts for each of them through the Social Security Administration. The SSA only recognizes one representative payee at a time, so I am it. Their SS checks go into those accounts, along with other income that I deposit. I then use those accounts to pay their long term care bills. No one can touch it except me, not even my parents. My parents and I had to go through an interview process to get that done, and the doctor had to fill out a form saying that they could not make financial decisions. At their bank I keep just a small amount of money in a separate account that Mom uses for haircuts and other personal expenses. If anyone would take her to the bank to withdraw money, they wouldn't get much, and the bank would also call me. I keep one of their credit cards and cut up the rest. All the rest of their money is in accounts that are not easy to access, and other people would not be allowed to do so because my name is listed as the one managing the accounts. Those are a few things to think about. There is more to it than that, but just wanted to let you know that there are options. If your mom does not have a will and/or a POA, you still need to talk to a lawyer about what to do.

psg712

I would add to the above, about credit cards: don't simply cut up the cards. Contact the companies and close the accounts. Give fraudsters less to work with!