Socially conservative caregivers

sandwichone123

Hi all! I usually post of the spouse board, because my spouse has Alzheimer's. Now my father is also showing signs and I'm thinking forward to placement.

The place I have my dh is wonderful, but religiously run, and caregivers throughout my community tend to be socially conservative. I have kept from bringing some of my dh's possessions that are less stereotypically masculine, and it hasn't been a big deal.

But my father is pretty openly gay (came out after Mom died after 63 years of marriage) and I'm concerned that if I have to place him he will experience bias in the care situation. Has anyone had experience placing queer family members or friends?

Anonymousjpl123

My LO isn’t gay but our entire family is fairly progressive and that was a big deal to us in finding placement. Have you noticed any other LGBTQ in your DH’s place? Or have you seen others? I tend to look for these places because my family is so diverse I never want anyone to feel uncomfortable (even though we are mostly estranged but that’s another story). I found a place for myself should I need it in the future, assuming it’s still there that has religious origins but proudly welcomes LGBTQ in its advertising. Most won’t be that open, but there are plenty of MCs and ALs that cater to diverse and progressive folks.

harshedbuzz

@sandwichone123

I had a conversation about this with a friend of mine who is a gay man married to a man who is approaching retirement age. They're old enough to have lost many friends in the early years of the HIV/AIDS epidemic. He lives in Philadelphia's Gayborhood and was talking about the need for LGBTQ+ informed senior services. He said there are a couple of medical practices/medical advocacy groups in the area, but they seem to focus more on the needs of a younger population. During the height of HIV/AIDS, many SNFs created special HIV units within their facilities to best serve the needs of a population that was much younger. I had been telling him about a CCRC where my cousin lives that is for those who are deaf and hearing impaired where everything is adapted to their unique needs and the social programming is consistent with deaf culture. There's some talk about this need, but not a lot of traction. I suspect many CCRCs, SNFs and MCF-- especially those associated with the Quakers-- would be very accepting and inclusive.

Growing number of care providers catering to LGBTQ+ seniors (epgn.com)

If there's an advocacy group in your area, I would reach out to them. I wonder if the options would be better in a larger city. But that might not be ideal given distance and a tendency to be more expensive.

HB

sandwichone123

Thank you both! I'm in a medium-sized city, so there may be gay senior resources--I've never thought about that before.

Sapphire68

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68305/socially-conservative-caregivers

I've worked in facilities where some of the staff is not hetero and they are religiously based communities. I don't think this would be a problem in most places. If you are concerned, maybe ask the place when you call with questions and make sure first. But I honestly don't see where this would be a problem.

SusanB-dil

I hope you find a place that will duly respect. When I took the CNA training, we were outright told that we would encounter all types of folks, of race, religion, LGBTQ+, and that we had best be respectful of each person regardless of where we stood. Just wanted to throw that in there, because it was part of our training, and I would hope that would be the case for all our LO caregivers.

I would think respect and dignity isn't too much to ask. (Unfortunately, I know, it isn't a perfect world)

housefinch

It may vary by location. I live in a pretty open minded large metropolitan area in a different state from where I grew up. I was raised in a very socially conservative state where it could be challenging to find a facility like that. (It’s definitely a big need, though, and I hope you find a good fit!)

sandwichone123

Thank you all for your reassurance. I hope the reality I find matches the resources you have all seen where you are. :-)

GothicGremlin

Hi @sandwichone123

My first thought about religious facilities is don't write them off too quickly. My MIL is in independent living right now (moving to assisted living soon), and her facility in South Carolina is Episcopalian. She's Jewish and has never had a problem. And - the man who was the executive director for years and years is a very out gay man, and he was well-loved.

So it might be okay.

But - I went poking around to see what LGBTQ+ resources are out there, and I found Sage. Here's a slightly more detailed page. And here is Sage's state-by--state resources. Maybe there's something useful at one of those pages.

sandwichone123

Thank you GothicGremlin,

My spouse's facility is not religiously affiliated, but privately owned by religious people (not Episcopalian or other liberal Christians).

I appreciate the links, and hope to find a resource like your MIL's.