Angry outbursts

Kittymom14

Where to start? My husband who just turned 79 went from a very physically fit 76 year old to an angry man who can barely walk. He has some memory problems but not that bad. Because he can barely walk and has frozen feet a lot he has very angry outbursts. He gets up in the morning mad, he’s mad at god, mad at me, and mad in general. He starts shouting at the top of his lungs F this, F that, F god, and mostly F me. It is apparently my fault that he’s got this condition.

The doctors can’t agree whether it’s a type of Parkinsonism or dementia caused by Alzheimer’s. We have given up on neurologists but I stay in contact with his geriatric doctor. He has put him on 100mg Seroquel plus a 2mg Valium and I had hopes that would help but the anger is escalating. One day a tree trimmer was trimming our 50’ coconut tree and he said he was surprised the guy had the nerve to come back since he tried to kill him. WHAT??? That never happened as he’s never even gotten out of his chair when anyone has done work at our house. He is convinced that I’m having an affair with this young man and throws it in my face constantly. I am 72 with stage 4 lung cancer and I don’t need the stress. The worst is the screaming at me all the time and btw I cook, clean and do everything else with never a thank you. I don’t know what to do and I don’t think the doctor does either. Just so you know we live on Kauai with very limited help and his daughters live in California. Does anyone else have to deal with this kind of anger and hatred? Believe me we’ve tried different meds and nothing works.

M1

welcome to the forum, you have come to a good place for support and advice--wish I had more concrete suggestions for you. I'm glad he is immobile, as it sounds like he would be a physical threat to you under any other circumstance. The only thing I can think to say is that there is plenty of room to increase his Seroquel dose, and perhaps that might help? Doses of 300-400 mg per day are used in dementia, so you could easily increase it (with doctor's input of course).

SSHarkey

Hello! I am so you have to endure this situation! I would seriously consider moving him to a nursing facility. You need to be taking care of yourself. And you can’t do that while being constantly emotionally abused. The stress alone will make your healing process difficult.

mrahope

I am so sorry to hear of your situation, especially with your own health issues. My DH is 85 and is also subject to episodes of rage. Unlike yours, he's still pretty strong and mobile and has several times thrown objects around the house. As others have said, exploring an increase in his meds may help, but otherwise you need some peace to tend to your own health. I would say (hard as it is) having a Plan B for MC or another option seems like something you need to explore sooner rather than later.

Quilting brings calm

I don’t know if there are memory care facilities on Kauai. If you have to go off island for that, you should consider having his daughters check out facilities near them. Not only because there would be more choices, but because you are dealing with stage 4 lung cancer yourself. You need to concentrate on your own care.

2dogssing

I did a quick search & found 'there are 6 memory care facilities in Kuaui County'. I dunno if that means they are on your island. Honolulu has lots of care. Kaneohe has some as well. I don't know if you want to go to another island for care. Some places have a "Council on Ageing" & they might be able to help you on Kauai. If your husband was military it seems like there should be help on Oahu. I know there's a military hospital there. Let me know if I can help you find some help. I might know somebody that knows some....

Ed1937

Welcome. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Like some others who posted, I feel like you might start by adjusting his medications. You have your hands more than full if you're dealing with your own medical problems, and I'm sorry for that. If medications don't help soon, you should consider Memory Care facilities. But only you know how much you can take, and when it will be time for placement. I wish it were easier.

Chammer

I would ask the doctor to consider Lewy Body dementia. It is closely related to Parkinsons and has a specific set of hallucinations and fall patterns. It responds differently to medication than Alzheimers so if it is Lewy Body, meds for Alzheimers and antipsychotics are contraindicated.

There are videos on YouTube that can help give a much better picture than me - Tam Cummings, Teepa Snow, Natalie Holloway are all recommended on this site for helpful videos. Praying for answers quickly for you and your DH.