Dad not recognising his home

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harshedbuzz

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here but pleased you found this place.

This is very common among PWD in the later stages of the disease as part of a lack of orientation to time and place-- a kind of time travel for some.

One very common presentation of this confusion is when the PWD repeated asks to "go home" while standing in their home of many years. They may express it as needing to be taken home and even believe that long dead parents will be worried about them. It's thought that, for many, home is more of a concept that represents security, ease and a return to a less confusing before dementia-time.

It's generally best to meet them where they are in this with validation assurances that they're safe with you and that you'll help them get home at some future time-- when you have a day off or the weather clears up-- and redirect them to another activity. If they cannot be settled around this notion and it's upsetting them, medication might help relieve their anxiety.

Sometimes the memory of their actual home comes and goes. Some with this behavior will only become confused in the late afternoon/evening as part of their sundowning.

HB

M1

Adding my welcome. I concur completely that this is common, and that it may come and go somewhat. It is heartbreaking to see, but there is usually no point in arguing or correcting, as it will probably only upset him. Reassurance of safety, as harshedbuzz said, may help. My partner of 30 years is in memory care and has no memory of our relationship or our home. In fact she cannot remember her room when she is not in it. Home to her is her small town, rural Texas childhood, and she constantly wants to go there.

GothicGremlin

I agree with both @harshedbuzz and @M1 .

When my sister was in stage 5, she began being unable to navigate the house - she was often unable to find the bathroom so she'd call me on the phone to ask me where it was. I'd direct her, and it was fine - for awhile.

When she was in stage 6 and in memory care, she often couldn't find her room. She'd call me and tell me her room was gone. I'd reassure her by telling her I'd talk to staff and get her room back for her. That would usually work. But yeah, assuring your dad that you're on it and looking out for him will go a long way.

From what I've seen on this forum, it all seems a relatively common experience.

forbarbara

My MIL would sit in her kitchen and say things like “I have these dishes in my kitchen too”. This was before I learned about fiblets so I would (unsuccessfully) try to explain that she was in her own kitchen. In her case this was a phase that passed pretty quickly. By the time I got her into MC she knew she was leaving her home but wasn’t troubled about that. Parting with her dog - another story.

Her confusion these days is more profound but less troubling to her. I hope you and your father get through this phase with as little frustration as you can.

AZGuy

Wow! harshedbuzz, you hit the nail right on the head. This has been an issue since I've been caring for my DW. Any time she got insistent about 'going home', we would take the vehicle around our town, about 3-4 miles, and back home. We have another vehicle sitting in the driveway she used to drive for years: she recognizes that. So, when she sees it, she's home.

Recently, my DW has been on a mission of getting back home to see her parents. She grew up on a farm in Nebraska and that's where she wants to go. They must be worried about her. She wonders why they haven't tried to contact her. They have both been deceased for several years. I keep telling her that we'll try to get back to see them in late Spring or early Summer when the weather is better. This works Ok for about 30-60 minutes. This has gone on for about 2-weeks. She mentions it much less now, but I will reassure about her being safe here with me.

Any time we have appointments and are headed home, my wife is so relieved. She'll be so happy to get home. So, maybe that's the trick. Every once-in-a-while just take off for a little while just to get out. She's always happy to get home.

Thanks again for mentioning the 'going home'. What a relief!