I need help

OvercomeALZ

Hi, I’m Janet. I take care of my husband with Alzheimer’s. I would really like to talk to someone going through the same things. He is in the moderate stage and is 77, I’m 73.

charley0419

My wife 77 I’m 76 going through same let’s talk

charley0419

Wife diagnosed last yr moderate

Ed1937

Welcome, Janet. Sorry you need the forum, but you couldn't find a better one. People here are understanding and helpful. If you have a concern, someone here has likely had it before you, and will make suggestions to help. Please read some of the old posts to gain insight, and see just how helpful the forum is. If you have any specific questions, feel free to start a new discussion. Any topic is OK here.

midge333

Welcome to the forum!

annie51

Welcome. This is a great place for advice, insight and understanding from people going through the same thing. Also a good place to just vent!

Not everything works for everyone as this disease is unpredictable, but, as Ed said, someone has likely experienced some of the same behaviors you're experiencing.

My husband is 76, I am 66. He's in moderate stage also.

jsps139_

Hi Janet. Caregiving can be so lonely, but when you post or read on this forum, that loneliness gets easier because we’re all in this together. I love the fact that everyone on here genuinely cares about each other. What a gift to be a part of such a nice group of folks!

I’m glad you reached out! ❤️

trottingalong

In the last couple of months I have found this group to be amazingly helpful. Just reading questions and comments has helped me immensely. My husband is moderate stage. He is 80, I’m 67.

SSHarkey

Hi Janet! We’re together in this! I’m 75, my DH 78. He’s in stage 4-5. We’ve been married 55 1/2 years. I completely understand your feelings! I’m going through it all as well, as is everyone else on this forum. You are a part of us now. And you are welcome to ask questions, vent, and cry with us!

RhinoBeth

I'm new here but I've been caring for my husband who has Alzheimer's. I'm guessing, based on what I've read here, that he is in Stage 6. He's 88 and I'm 76. Lately he's been sundowning a lot and last night was especially difficult. He was convinced that we were prisoners in our home and the only way to get out was to catch one of the three buses that kept driving by the house (none of which was true,) and accused me of being in on the plot to imprison him.

When he's "in his right mind" or what's left of it, he's a lovable, sweet "3 year-old" who still knows me and loves me.

I'm not very good at playing along with his delusions and am very concerned that he will get out of the house trying to "catch the bus" and get hurt or lost, or both.

At what point is it best to put him in a memory care facility and how do I find a good one?

TyroneSlothrop

RhinoBeth,

It sounds to me like you need some help, either in your home or MC placement, soon or now. I am actively searching for a MC place for my DW. I have a daytime part-time companion, and I hired a Care Manager to help me with searching, comparing, and logistics for MC move. She has helped me, and she charges ~$300/hour. I found her by word-of-mouth, from referrals from friends of friends.

I have visited 12 different MC places, and now I’m comparing 3 of them. I have been looking for about 6 months, and I hope to place her in the next month or so.

This description of my process sounds pretty sober and businesslike, and of course it elides the dreadfulness that accompanies these plans and decisions. But I’m happy to go into more detail if you have further questions….

Good luck! And thanks for taking on this project.

Tyrone

LJCHR

Welcome! I’m also sorry you have to come here-but it is the best place for support, knowledge and experience. I joined a year ago and even though I don’t post a lot, I come here everyday several times a day.

My DH is moderate stage (mid stage 4). He’s 82 and I’m 75. Second marriage - I was widow and he widower and we have been married 15 years in May.

I have learned so much from this site-and I have asked several questions and always get replies from people who “have been there and done it”.

Glad you joined, you won’t be sorry you did.

AZGuy

Hi RhinoBeth,

I understand your concern with the safety of your DH. The Alz. Assoc. has some info about how to handle the different conditions, i.e. Sun-downing or accusations, etc. It can wear you out dealing with this all the time. Is there a particular TV program or programming that will hold your husbands attention? There's a streaming TV service that I'm looking at, and certainly not advertising for, called Memory Lane TV. It plays low key programs, has sing-alongs, videos of scenery, plot-less programs, etc. Maybe something like this will keep him busy. Or, if you are on cable TV, maybe there's something similar available.

My DW was diagnosed in 2017 with Dementia and is now in moderate stage, and progressing. I was concerned about her getting out the front door and taking off down the street. She's done this about four times and thank goodness we live on a somewhat quiet street and have the greatest neighbors. I finally installed another deadbolt lock on the front with key only, so she couldn't open the door without a key. Our back yard is fenced and locked, so she's safe to go out there.

I just ordered her a medical alert bracelet, so if she does manage to get out, my contact info is on the bracelet.

I've considered looking into MC facilities. We seem to have an issue here with MC patients not receiving the best of care. I can't do that to my wife. I'll deal with the stress rather than not have her taken care of. My DW sleeps a lot. I don't know if it's mainly the Dementia or she doesn't think she has anything to do. It's difficult trying to have a regular meal time. I guess we do the best we can.

I usually have a difficult time asking for help because I still don't know what I'm doing. I take it a day at a time because every day seems to be different.

CandyP

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68358/i-need-help

Hi Janet, This is first post for me. Husband 77. Diagnosed maybe 2 years age. I was so confused at the beginning. LH doesn’t think anything’s wrong with him. LH was so active, took months to get him to stop driving. He was so angry and upset that things went wrong. Was always someone else’ that screwed things up. I’m learning new ways to deal it every day. No knives, matches, chairs with no arms and stools (falls asleep and falls out), etc. I try to deal with everything as it comes along. I get angry and upset everyday. I do walk away from him when I feel overwhelmed. But think my job now is to keep him safe and healthy. Still not sure where I’m at in this venture, I know have lots more to learn. Hope thing go well for you, Candy