angel neighbor

l7pla1w2

[Sorry, this is a bit long.]

I had minor outpatient surgery last week. (I'm fine, thanks.) When I made the surgery appointment, I was comfortable leaving DW alone in the house. However, within the subsequent two weeks she has reached a stage where she got very anxious if I were not home and fearful she would never see me again. I realized I would need someone to stay with her during my surgery.

The hospital/surgeons are most unhelpful, not being able to tell me until the day before surgery what time to arrive at the hospital. Oh, and they gave me a window of 7:30 AM to 3:30 PM for the surgery, AND I would have to report two hours before that.

I contacted a local agency to arrange home care. Not knowing what time the surgery would be was a real stress-inducer. For various reasons, it took until two days before surgery to get things set up. I had a number of constraints and expectations, among them that the home health care aide could drive me home from the hospital, since DW should not drive. I also wanted the aide to walk with me and DW to the hospital (a couple of blocks away) and walk DW home after I went to pre-op.

The day before surgery, I finally got a call from the surgery scheduler to say my surgery would be at 11, and I had to report to the hospital at 9. Not too crazy. But the care agency told me they were having a lot of trouble lining up help for me, and I would have to schedule the aide for a full day. Actually, they wanted me to sign up for a 24-hour shift, given the timing uncertainties and the possibility I might need some post-op care. Oh, and for liability reasons, the aide would not walk to the hospital with me or drive me home.

I told the surgery scheduler I was having trouble getting a home health care aide, and if I couldn't line something up, I would have to cancel the surgery.

Enter my neighbor, Karen. I had told her about the surgery a couple of days ahead of time. She offered to help, because she knows DW's condition. (More later.) I really didn't want to impose, but Karen said not to cancel the surgery, that she would help out. And she did. She walked with DW and me to the hospital and waited in the admissions area until I was taken to pre-op. She took DW to lunch. I'm not sure what else she did during the day, but she and DW picked me up at the hospital around 3, when I could sign out.

In the end, this turned out to be the best possible solution for me. I was uncomfortable with having a relative stranger care for DW, and, since we're not used to having someone else in the house, having a sleep-over caregiver would have been very awkward. Karen was familiar to DW and me, and she had a low-key way of helping that worked. I am SO lucky!

Here's the backstory. Karen's father had Alzheimer's. A couple of years ago, when DW and I got back from being away for the summer, Karen asked me whether DW was okay. I asked why she asked, and Karen said she thought DW was a little off. That was the start of a long conversation. Karen had picked up the subtle cues of dementia maybe earlier than I did because of her experience with her father. I told Karen that DW had started having trouble paying bills over the summer, and that's when I first knew for sure that something was wrong.

Since then, Karen and I have had additional conversations, including one earlier this week. She has been a tremendous resource and a wonderful neighbor.

Caro_Lynne

You are right, she's an angel put in your path. There are no coincidences. Glad you were able to have your surgery and hope you are doing well. xo

M1

Nice story. You never know who is going to turn out to be the angel in your path. Thank goodness for them. The road steepens considerable when our loved ones reach the point that they aren't safe to be alone.

Quilting brings calm

It’s so helpful when someone with experience shows up when you need them. And it’s the people with experience who understand the need. Find out her favorite treat and surprise her with it!

Ed1937

Wow! Lucky man. Glad things worked out so well.

SSHarkey

That’s so good! She is giving you the help she needed. As you will do for others one day. Just like our friends here on the forum whose significant others have already passed.

Anna2022

I've had two different neighbors who have offered to help, should the need arise. Both had parents with dementia and so they know. They are supportive without being overbearing and sincere in their offers to help. I am so very grateful.

Mint

Thank you for sharing this story.

midge333

Thanks for sharing. An angel indeed!