PWD and parallel universes

Ci2Ci

Today, when speaking with my mother (in SNF-MC) by phone, I wasn't sure where she (or I) was in her timeline. Normally, I do not offer that I am her daughter; I merely state my name and she will reply "my darling daughter".

But, today, I asked who I [by name] was to her. She said "my sister". I corrected that I am actually her daughter, but that her confusion on that point was no big deal to me.

Her reply: "Aren't my sister and my daughter the same person?"

Interesting, a first. I've always just thought that she conflates the two, mistaking one for the other and even switching back-n-forth in a conversation.

For reference: A couple times in the past (when she lived with me), she thought that her daughter that lived in Orlando was a different person than the one that lived in Charlotte and a different one than the one standing before her at the moment. She couldn't reconcile that her only daughter is ONE person having existed at different places and times in history.

Thought this might be helpful for newbies. A PWD can hold 2 or more conflicting 'facts' in the same moment.

I laugh to myself that perhaps dementia actually taps into some higher power of the brain and/or the Universe, making a PWD able to experience parallel universes and actually time travel!!

SusanB-dil

Interesting point, and it totally makes sense to them. A parallel. Just a bit different from a confabulation, where 2 or more stories merge. A parallel, where 2 or more stories are happening (or have happened) at the same time. Wow!

harshedbuzz

@CiCi

I was struck when my PsWD did this.

My aunt knew her guardian sister who saw her all the time, but believed I was my mom. There is a strong family resemblance. But, at the time she believed it was just after WWII and that her MCF was the married students' dorm at Rutgers University.

My friend's mom didn't recognize her in the later stages despite living with her. Her mom did, however, tell my friend that "she" was her favorite caregiver and that she reminded her of her daughter. She would then wax about what a wonderful daughter she had and make a plan to introduce them as she was certain they'd be fast friends.

Dad knew his immediate family (mom, his brother, me) until the very end, but got hazy on my DH of 35+ years and his 3 adult grandkids. And he could never recall if my sister was alive or not. In the middle stages he would try to sort out his family tree relationships which could be really interesting. He believed his brother's son was his son and that my late sister was his daughter with his late sister because they looked so much alike. He also believed he owned all the houses on the street and slept in a different one each night.

HB

Emily 123

I can't remember who posted this a while ago (sorry), but it was one of the discussions about how people with dementia had described the disease. One poster noted that her husband said it was like looking at a handful of photos from all stages of his life that were randomly shuffled together. I wonder if this is like that? That she can access both memories, or that you somehow 'fit' both memories as her dear female relative?

Ci2Ci

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/200778#Comment_200778

@harshedbuzz

Once, now ~2 years go, when my mother lived with me, we were sitting outside at the umbrella table having lunch. My mother was reminiscing and apparently in this moment not recognizing that I was her daughter. I said: "So, tell me about your daughter." She said: 'She's {gesturing} so-so; very independent, headstrong…" I nearly spit out my iced tea laughing. I took it as a compliment. I think that I did immediately tell her that I am her daughter. She laughed.

Even 2 years later, with advanced dementia, she always knows me by voice, name, and relations when I call. I ask the nursing home staff not to tell her who is calling. Then, I just say, "Hi, Betty, it's Stacy!" And, she'll then say, "Oh, my darling daughter Stacy." Pretty surprising.