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How to get acclimated to the decline

annie51
annie51 Member Posts: 181
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My DH has been in what I think is a pretty steep decline lately where he can't remember something literally right after we talk about it. So therefore each question is repeated a gazillion times. I always felt that I was adapting to his changes okay, but I find myself getting much more emotional and irritable than I have been in the past. Wondering if, in your experience, you get adjusted to the new reality as things get worse or just get better at hiding your emotions?

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  • Dogsaremylife
    Dogsaremylife Member Posts: 46
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    Your response to the "loop" thinking is certainly my experience as well. At first when my DH started the repeated questioning I had to suppress my frustration and irritability, but after a year of it I found that I had developed an acceptance of it. If you visualize the questioning as a feature of his disease, I think it's easier to deal with. In the beginning I found myself going into the bedroom and punching the bed pillows!!

  • upstateAnn
    upstateAnn Member Posts: 103
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    I got used to it. I finally just accepted it was a side effect of the disease. I also learned a very unloaded phrase. When my DH asks why I did not tell him about something which, of course , I did. I simply say it must’ve have slipped your mind..

  • Ed1937
    Ed1937 Member Posts: 5,091
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    This is an interesting question. When my wife first became unable to cook, that really took a toll on me. But as time went on, I became better at adapting to the new normal, and it was easier to handle the new battles we were fighting. For me, I think accepting the inevitable before it happened was key.

  • l7pla1w2
    l7pla1w2 Member Posts: 177
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    My DW has essentially no short term memory, and that has been the case for quite awhile now. I find that I develop pat answers to the questions that I can recite mindlessly. I also progressively shorten the answers to an absolute minimum. It is exasperating, and you learn to live with it, although there are occasions when I lose my cool.

  • GothicGremlin
    GothicGremlin Member Posts: 874
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    I'm so sorry, @annie51 , these are the things that just smack us in the face.

    In the beginning I read everything I could get my hands on so that I could understand what was going on. I knew absolutely nothing about dementia before my sister was diagnosed.

    The best thing I ever read was "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. It really helped me to understand what was going on with Peggy so that I could better meet her where she was. Once I had a better handle on things, I got less frustrated.

    Completely different situation with a spouse than a sibling, but the behaviors are similar ....

  • mrahope
    mrahope Member Posts: 545
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    In my case, it was a "compared to what" situation with the repeated questions. He's become angry and agitated on a few occasions and that was so frightening. I just give the same answers over and over and have come to count myself lucky that he isn't screaming at me. Sigh.

Commonly Used Abbreviations


DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
Read more