How to get acclimated to the decline

annie51

My DH has been in what I think is a pretty steep decline lately where he can't remember something literally right after we talk about it. So therefore each question is repeated a gazillion times. I always felt that I was adapting to his changes okay, but I find myself getting much more emotional and irritable than I have been in the past. Wondering if, in your experience, you get adjusted to the new reality as things get worse or just get better at hiding your emotions?

Dogsaremylife

Your response to the "loop" thinking is certainly my experience as well. At first when my DH started the repeated questioning I had to suppress my frustration and irritability, but after a year of it I found that I had developed an acceptance of it. If you visualize the questioning as a feature of his disease, I think it's easier to deal with. In the beginning I found myself going into the bedroom and punching the bed pillows!!

upstateAnn

I got used to it. I finally just accepted it was a side effect of the disease. I also learned a very unloaded phrase. When my DH asks why I did not tell him about something which, of course , I did. I simply say it must’ve have slipped your mind..

Ed1937

This is an interesting question. When my wife first became unable to cook, that really took a toll on me. But as time went on, I became better at adapting to the new normal, and it was easier to handle the new battles we were fighting. For me, I think accepting the inevitable before it happened was key.

TyroneSlothrop

Annie51,

I am having similar experiences with my DW, and it is harder (not to mention more lonely and depressing) than it was before this new very short term memory loss. When I bring my A Game, I answer again and change the subject, or I skip the answer and just start a new topic. I guess I feel some emotional reward when that strategy succeeds. I even prepare my mind for it. And yes I hide my emotions big time, saving them for my support network.

Yesterday DW called for me to help her— she was trying to put on a sweatshirt like pants, and had one rain boot-clad foot jammed deep into the sweatshirt sleeve. Funny?, but of course, no laughter at the moment, and even later, I felt more like crying at this new evidence of decline

We are heroes for our work.

Tyrone

l7pla1w2

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68398/how-to-get-acclimated-to-the-decline

My DW has essentially no short term memory, and that has been the case for quite awhile now. I find that I develop pat answers to the questions that I can recite mindlessly. I also progressively shorten the answers to an absolute minimum. It is exasperating, and you learn to live with it, although there are occasions when I lose my cool.

GothicGremlin

I'm so sorry, @annie51 , these are the things that just smack us in the face.

In the beginning I read everything I could get my hands on so that I could understand what was going on. I knew absolutely nothing about dementia before my sister was diagnosed.

The best thing I ever read was "Understanding the Dementia Experience" by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller. It really helped me to understand what was going on with Peggy so that I could better meet her where she was. Once I had a better handle on things, I got less frustrated.

Completely different situation with a spouse than a sibling, but the behaviors are similar ....

mrahope

In my case, it was a "compared to what" situation with the repeated questions. He's become angry and agitated on a few occasions and that was so frightening. I just give the same answers over and over and have come to count myself lucky that he isn't screaming at me. Sigh.

Jeanne C.

I've seen others share this sentiment, and I can't agree more: each decline is like a gut punch.

My husband's decline has been fast - at least it seems that way to me. In summer of 2021 I started noticing issues around understanding and mood (though in hindsight it had been coming on for years). I never suspected dementia because he was 63 at the time. Fast forward to today: he's rarely capable of sentences, shuffles around all day, and is in diapers. Each little change along the way took a piece of my soul.

Be kind to yourself. And please see if you can find some sort of respite - a day program, a health aide, a friend to sit with him. Something to give yourself a break at least a few hours a week.