New to this

Dhsinchuk

Hi, I’m very new to this. My sister has dementia. Her long term partner passed away in January in New Jersey. I didn’t know how much decline had happened until his passing when she could no longer live alone. I found a Memory Care facility here in RI where she is living and my family and I visit often. Sometimes she seems happy and at others I’m not so sure. I know she is settling in but she’s feeling her loss of independence and I can only imagine how hard that is. Your thoughts are appreciated. Thank you.

SusanB-dil

Hi Dhsinchuk - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

It is not unusual to find out that a LO is farther declined when someone close to them has passed. Her partner was probably scaffolding the deficits. My mom declined faster after we lost my dad, as she didn't have him to lean on any longer (married almost 65 yrs).

Sometimes the first few weeks in MC, the family will allow their LO to settle in. If she seems settled, it is great that you can visit often. As far as sometimes happy, sometimes not, safety needs to be the factor that she is where she will have the care she needs. She may still be feeling the loss of her partner, and with that, and new surroundings, some days will be better than others.

edited to add: I don't think we realized the extent of the alz until after we lost dad, either. It was more pronounced, at least to the rest of the family. Hence, the scaffolding he had provided, besides being her rock.

pookabera

Hi - wanted to add some support ❤️ I found a lot of solace here and by reading up on dementia. I find comfort in feeling like I'm being helpful, so being knowledgeable in order to advocate for my dad and do my best to keep him comfortable through his progression was important to me.

The book I read the most is "The 36 Hour Day", I highly recommend it, it has a lot of good educational info about types of dementia, the progression, common behaviors, etc. I also read up on the Validation Technique which is a way to navigate their agitation/delusions in a way that can be helpful rather than breaking the #1 rule of interacting with dementia (don't argue with them).

forbarbara

Welcome. Like others, I’m sorry you’re on this journey but glad you found us.

Have you had a discussion with the facility about what you can expect as your sister’s disease progresses? This can help you understand how they approach it. Be sure they understand when you want to be contacted, and you know who to contact when you want to check in on your sister’s condition, etc

I highly recommend getting to know some of the staff closest to your sister — the CNA’s who help with hygiene and daily living. In my case, the activities director is also very helpful. And I have to say that the nurses - not so much.

I hope your sister continues to settle in and you and your family find a routine that gives comfort and support to her and you.

jfkoc

Please also take into consideration that she is grieving and that shw has been moved. Both of those things will take a toll.