I think I need a new script...

mrahope · March 4

As background, my DH and I traveled a great deal over our many years as a couple, often visiting his family who live halfway around the world from us. In the last few months, he seems fixated on travel. He keeps saying he wants to do it "before he dies" or "Don't you have a 'bucket list' of things you want to do before you die?". I've been unfortunately caught in the cross hairs of his rage about this issue. He's really angry at me because he keeps saying he's going to go without me because I told him I think him making a trip at this point is unwise. My DS says I should go along with it and possibly say things like, "Sure, let's plan this". I think he's maybe right. What should I say? What do you say when your spouse talks about doing things you know are potentially dangerous? I've tried distracting, deflecting, changing the topic, etc. But it keeps coming back. Any suggestions welcome.

Ed1937 · March 4

If it makes him happy, plan it. That doesn't mean you have to follow through with it. I'm sure you can find all kinds of excuses why you can't go if it becomes an issue with him. Will he remember the details of what you plan? If not, that's one of the very few good things about this stinking disease. I hope you can find a way to keep him reasonably happy.

M1 · March 4

Why don't you just say okay sure, lets look into it. He probably won't have the executive function to take it any farther. If he asks what you've done, could you say you've made some inquiries with a travel agent and are waiting to hear back?

jsps139_ · March 4

Maybe you could pretend to plan it and then it is cancelled due to bad weather - tell him you’ll plan again at a later time.

Anna2022 · March 5

My DH has also been fixated on travel. The last trip we planned, which we cancelled because of few reasons, not the least of which was DH back pain caused by a fall that summer. DH could never keep the itinerary straight, even after I gave him copies for reference. He helped plan it but every day asked me what we had planned. It was maddening. Fast forward to these days and he still asks whether we have any plans to travel. I have usually said, "not yet, why don't you find us a good tour?" And with that he will be off to google but then can never follow thru and gets sidetracked. He forgets about it all until a few days later when he asks whether we have any plans to travel. One part of me wishes I could find a tour that was interesting but not taxing and that we could bring along a family member or friend for companionship and help. So far, no such luck. The other part of me just gets exhausted thinking about it.