Driving is set to rest! Finally!

Katielu

So, part of this is an update, part of it, is I am hoping maybe my story will help someone else. Driving is such a huge subject for all of us.

My DH has no insight into his disease, like many others. He is not difficult, but he does like to be independent ( or he thinks he does).

Anyway, I asked a few of my close friends if they could send a litter to the DMV stating a concern for his driving. I asked a few, asking them to decide on one or all of them together to do it, but the. I would not know who did it. Previously I had as his PCP for help but he just told DH to “ slow down on your driving and lean more on your wife” so basically no help.

the DMV asked for medical records to be completed, PCP sent DH to OT for a driving eval and he passed and PCP told him all set, he could drive! So I am feeling very lonely on this. I talked him into going down to one car, just lucky it worked but he went along with the cost savings and more room in the garage. He was dragging his feet a bit, then my son found someone who really needed a vehicle like my husbands based on some medical issues for one of their children, and DH agreed to sell, he agreed one day and I had it gone the next, we moved fast. He felt my car was too small and we ended up buying a brand new one, I didn’t want to do that, but we have the means and it got us in one car so I agreed.

we went on vacation ( that’s another discussion) and came back to a letter from the DMV saying he had to come in for a test. Apparently the papers the doctor filled out are just informational, the DMV still does testing. He FAILED the road test. It was difficult to watch, he didn’t understand at first when they told him he failed, but when it sank in, he looked so defeated. We surrendered his licsence and now has a state ID.

A couple things, he has not driven alone in months, but has driven with me in the car to go to the restaurant up the road. I kept being supportive thru the testing process. He is not angry with me, I knew he should not drive but did not think he would fail the road test, if anything I thought he would fail the written test ( he passed that). I am too close to know, we all are.

Another thing, he is doing better than I thought he would with it. He is concerned what others think, he doesn’t want them to know. ( no one cares and will be happy he isn’t driving) I told him to blame me for the driving, he can tell people that I drive because I LOVE the new car and it makes ME happy so he lets me drive. He carries his key fob when I drive, he locks and unlocks the car. He house keys are on it. When he becomes less aware and more a risk, I can take the battery out of the fob, but if I can not home, there is no car.

This is long, but I hope it helps someone, this was such a difficult process for me. It has taken months.

JeriLynn66

What a creative solution! So glad you shared this hard earned success story. It well may serve as a lifesaver for another member. Thank you.

M1

So glad katie, i know you are relieved. Hope it sticks and his forgetting what happened doesn't come back to haunt you.

Mint

Thank you Katielu for sharing

Katielu

M1,

he has not forgotten what happened. He didn’t understand it when explained to him at the DMV, initially. But when he had to surrender his license for a state ID, he knew what was happening. That was the hard part, watching this very smart man, very careful man, be told he no longer is safe to drive.

He woke up this morning telling me he felt defeated. After the talks of him sharing with neighbors and friends that I love to drive the new car and he just “ goes with it” he felt better, he has a plan that he feels helps him “ save face”.

He can’t remember all the details of the test but he remembers that driving without a license is illegal. He told me at dinner tonight that he really appreciates that I am willing to drive and not angry about it.

For now, it’s a win I will accept.

Jgirl57

Great job Katielu!!!!

SSHarkey

What a relief for you!

Ed1937

Thankful it worked out as well as it did. I just hope he doesn't decide to drive at some point.

midge333

Good job. It is so hard for our LO's to lose their independence.

Katielu

Me too Ed1937, but since we now only have one car, I fee much better. If he did decide to go out in the night, the door will alarm and I will know. At that point I take the battery out of his key fob and “ it’s broken”

upstateAnn

👍🏼your diligence might have prevented a tragedy.