Dealing with inlaws

2parents/brain change

Dear friends,

I want to write this because it burdens me immensely. My Sib in laws have a very different way of dealing with Dad's dementia. I hate to keep saying 'they are in denial" because first of all, I am not a diagnostician or psychologist. Who am I to say why they make the choices they make?

Dad has a 'companion' who comes into the MC to take him to activities, which other wise are not available to him due to shortage of staff. I stopped into see Dad a few weeks ago and as a retired speech and Language therapist, I picked up on some needs I saw were being overlooked by the companion and the MC staff. I started going to see him once a week, taking activities with me. He responded so positively the family was thrilled.

In a short time I sort of got myself into trouble. The main daughter could not understand what I meant by the word 'Processing'. The oldest son is still determined to get 95 year old Dad hearing aids. The companion offers Dad candy when he participates in activities. She talks over him. and When he is sleepy and she wants to wake him up, she shakes him a little and says 'wakey wakey'.

Needless to say I almost lost it. It's just a different way. I would never treat him in such a childish manner.

However, it seems my in-law are happy with what they have settled for. They do not want to pursue language therapy, or communication therapy, even though the Speech Pathologist who comes to the center said she was open to seeing him, if they requested. Nor do they want my available times to keep Dad and his companion from WII bowling or other group activities (Bingo) on the Assisted Living Side.

As I have written this, I have found the answer. It's their time, not mine. I am just grateful to 'get it out!"

Thanks soooo much anyone, for reading!

SusanB-dil

All of 'this' is hard, in so many ways. I know it hurts your heart to see those issues. It may be possible that they think the help would not benefit him at this point, but a lot of us would think no harm in giving it a try. Yes, it is on them, and this is a good place to commiserate.

Bunnyboo

Trust me l know how you feel. My FIL. Is staying at home and to me this is not good, especially since l'm the one who's taking care of him.

2parents/brain change

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201431#Comment_201431

Thank you Bunny Boo. I am my husband's main support system. Getting involved with his siblings is counter productive. He has more insight to Dad's brain change and more acceptance of the reality than his siblings possess. So coming here and writing and reading helps me keep my head on straight, which helps him. I also checked into some videos by Teepa Snow this morning. So basically, for whatever reason, the siblings have opted for 'uninformed care'. It's not my business to understand, but to accept. There lies my challenge. Naming it helps tremendously.

2parents/brain change.

H1235

When my mil was diagnosed I did not agree with all the decisions that were made. I’m pretty sure denial and lack of interest in educating themselves about dementia played a big role. My husband did not want to make waves with siblings and I had a hard time with that. Now my mom is struggling with dementia and my sibling and I do not always agree. I’m seeing things from a different point of view. I know my mom would not want us fighting over her care. I pick my battles and bite my tongue a lot! Good luck.