Now I get the no reasoning at times! This is funny

charley0419

A couple of times this last couple of weeks my wife has peep but not flushed, so I go inside and ask her why you’re not flushing ! She says I didn’t pee! I said but there’s paper and pee in bowl , she says I didn’t do it, now she’s mad. I say sorry maybe I peed and wiped.

Now forsure no more correcting

Jeanne C.

Oh my. You have to laugh sometimes and let it go. In a weird way, it can be a blessing. Now you'll be aware of when she goes.

harshedbuzz

@charley0419 Why did you ask?

This makes me sad for you both. Sad because you continue to struggle to join her in her world and sad for her because that's what she needs from you now.

Assuming your lovely wife was a lady-like and fastidious individual, I imagine getting caught forgetting to flush would be the stuff of nightmares. Or maybe she's more earthy or breezy than that and I am projecting here. If her reality is that she would never do such thing and being accused of such would be hurtful and insulting.

The answer is, she didn't flush because her dementia is progressing. She is starting to lose toileting as an ADL. Loss of toileting etiquette-- flushing, wiping properly, appropriate disposal of tissue and handwashing-- is a precursor to incontinence. At some point, she may start having accidents from time to time. It would be prudent to make sure your bed has a six-sided zippered waterproof mattress and boxspring protector on it.

This is such a horrific disease.

HB

gardengrandma

My husband is incontinent in both ways and I have to clean it up. It's like having a baby again. I know he feels disgusted with himself , and I try to make him understand that it's not something he can do anything about but I don't think he gets that. I have bought him incontinence underwear but he won't wear them unless I force the issue which doesn't make any sense. But nothing much does anymore.

mommyandme (m&m)

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68493/now-i-get-the-no-reasoning-at-times-this-is-funny

The learning curve is steep. I know I tried reasoning when I knew better. We learn as we go through this with our LO, we just don’t know til we know. I imagine as newcomers join and read they may say, “yeh, that won’t happen with us”, “that won’t work for us”, until it does and the lightbulb finally turns on. All we can do is our best and for me it was often a work in progress as each milestone of decline reared its ugly head. Your wife is fortunate to have you.

pookabera

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201689#Comment_201689

It's so hard when they're still aware that what's happening isn't what's "normal" for them. My dad is now bedbound and at first he was using a bedside commode and then we would help him get cleaned up, and he definitely found the entire process strange and uncomfortable (which I absolutely understand, it's not like I was thrilled).

I have found that for my dad he feels comforted when I tell him that I'm taking care of him or just checking him out.

He also is now unable to use the bedside commode (he can't support his own weight anymore and getting a whole lift-system isn't necessary right now and we don't think he'd handle it well at all). We've tried a bed pan (those are uncomfortable, I tried sitting on it when my mom and I practiced rolling each other onto it) and we've tried to encourage him to just use the incontinence briefs but he hasn't gone for that yet. I don't know why it works for him, but he's more comfortable rolling onto his side and relieving himself onto incontinence pads that we tuck up under him on the bed.

It's all a process of trial and error to find out what works best for you and your loved one. Wishing you the best.

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201681#Comment_201681

i never thought of it that way. Ty.

Iris L.

Charlie, you might want to start introducing adult disposable underwear now.

Iris

charley0419

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201704#Comment_201704

From when he started symptoms to now how long was progression

pookabera

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201828#Comment_201828

So, my dad was never formally diagnosed with dementia (he never saw a neurologist or anything like that), which means all of this is me guesstimating. I started noticing some signs of forgetfulness (repeating questions/conversations) around 2013-2014 when I was in high school but I chalked it up to his hearing issues and tendency to not really listen anyway haha

But the straight up, oh, I think this is dementia symptoms started 2017-2018. There was something a little more "off" about our interactions and he started having trouble remembering the controls in his car. Oh, and he stopped going to the doctor in 2018 and stopped taking his prescriptions. He started watching the same movies over and over again, eating the same foods, napping more. It's been a pretty steady cognitive decline since then.

But he fell and broke his hip last summer, which I suspect has sped up the progression of things.

So... on the long-end: 10 years. On the shorter-end: 6 years.

(Edited to add: the toileting struggles that we have now are new because he's bedridden. Before he fell, he had started peeing in the kitchen and bathroom sinks, which we couldn't figure out other than that maybe them being taller was easier for him, or he could lean on them (he's 6'4"). I'd say that he lost his ability to transfer to the bedside commode after about 6 months home with us.)