should I tell my daughter?

brooklynborn123

My wife has in recent weeks started to tell me that our 32 year old daughter has been stealing things whenever she cannot lay her hands on something. And I am not talking about the family heirlooms. It could be a tweezer, a plastic straw, etc. My daughter is somewhat aware of this but does not know the extent of it. She is coming over for dinner tonite. Should I warn her or just leave it be? It's entirely possible my wife will not bring it up at all.....I have to say it is one of the most upsetting features of her illness. I know its a waste of time to defend my daughter but it is hard not to push back against this.

sandwichone123

I'd say it depends on how much your daughter understands about your wife's condition. If she's still in the "seems normal to me" stage this could be the wakeup call she needs to understand there's more going on. If she understands how compromised your wife's thinking is, then a heads up would probably be appreciated.

M1

I think I would tell her, in private. Better that she not be caught by this unawares. I would also discuss it with your DW's doctor. Paranoia can spread quickly and may involve you sooner rather than later. Medication may be able to nip it in the bud.

charley0419

Absolutely tell them. Bklyn born all so Erasmus grad

trottingalong

Yes tell her.

Ed1937

Yes, tell her. But make sure she understands it is part of the journey. She needs to know that.

Jgirl57

Those kind of accusations are extremely painful. My HWD/Alz made this type of accusation against my son and it tore my heart . If your DW is not already on medication , please talk to her doctor. My son was aware of some of it, but I did not tell him of all of them . Just trust your gut instinct in the moment. I hope your daughter has some of the resource books/ literature about this disease

SSHarkey

Definitely tell her! She doesn’t need to be blindsided by sudden accusations. Include yourself if you believe that will soften the blow. Because eventually it will be you, too. I agree that you should discuss this with your doctor.

brooklynborn123

Thanks everyone for the advice. I did tell my daughter last night. I softened it by telling her that my wife has made similar accusations as to her sister and me (although that isn't entirely true--the accusations seem to focus on my older daughter). She took it fine and understands (at least intellectually) that this is part of the illness.

Regarding the doctor--I had already shared this with her and we bumped up the seroquel dose a few days ago. (from 25 twice a day to 50 twice a day). I don't see that making much of a difference yet but I am hopeful that it will take the edge off eventually.

I have to say that the behavioral changes and moodiness I have been seeing in recent weeks has been the most upsetting part of this experience so far. I can get used to answering the same question a million times, or reminding my wife of peoples' names or what day/month/year it is. But the changes in personality are so upsetting--like I am watching the funny, smart, active and loving person I have known for almost 40 years disappear before my eyes and some new Mr. (Ms.?) Hyde take her place.

Ah well, serenity prayer time.

brooklynborn123

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201660#Comment_201660

She has actually been reading up about dementia on some Reddit forums. It is helpful to her.

brooklynborn123

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/201641#Comment_201641

My older brother went to Erasmus (graduated 1970 or thereabouts). I went to Wingate.

ThisLife

"I have to say that the behavioral changes and moodiness I have been seeing in recent weeks has been the most upsetting part of this experience so far. I can get used to answering the same question a million times, or reminding my wife of peoples' names or what day/month/year it is. But the changes in personality are so upsetting..."

I can relate to the moodiness and behavioral changes being THE thing. For me (HWD), I know it's the disease, but not knowing "who" I will see in the morning (or any other time of the day) and walking on eggshells with limited success is the hardest part.