Wife refuses medical help

Jez975

After 3-4 years of increasing memory loss, Finlay was able to get DW to her PCP (prescribed sertraline for anxiety) and neurophysiological testing. Diagnosed with presumptive AD but she is in denial and refuses further follow up. Related: about 12 months ago she began to not recognize me. Not sure what to do

Phoenix1966

Your LO has anosognosia. She is unable to understand she has any memory deficits; it is not denial. If you haven’t already, the first thing you should do is make sure you have a POA for her and if she has one for you, you need to have her removed from it.

See a certified elder attorney to get this taken care of as well as other financial planning. If you don’t have POA(medical and legal power of attorney), she may already be too compromised to sign documents and you will need to pursue legal guardianship over her.

I suggest getting all your legal ducks in a row, because you will need them to move forward.

Others will chime in with very good suggestions and potential paths to consider for this journey you both are on as well as links to helpful reading material.

Welcome, but so sorry you need to be here.

M1

Agree with above. Unfortunately there's little medical help to be had. You can find certified elder law attorneys (CELA) listed by location at nelf.org. A good one may be able to convince her to sign (the bar is low). They can also help with financial planning-memory care is very expensive. Never too soon to plan for this eventuality.

The Zoloft is a good choice for anxiety, but you will find more practical and emotional support here than in any doctors office.

Joe C.

Jez, My wife was exactly the same with respect to seeing a neurologist. I eventually trick her into seeing one by telling her PC wanted a sleep apnea evaluation. I made the neurologist aware of my filbet and she played along by first questioning my wife about sleep patterns then moving on to cognitive testing. I was able to get a diagnosis but the medications for AZ did very little if anything for my wife, actually I saw no benefit from these medications. The one benefit of having a neurologist was when DW became delusional she was able to prescribe antipsychotics to quell the delusions.

Jez975

Thank you. I need to consider that.

Jez975

Thanks for the legal advice. I am a retired attorney and have all docs in place. I was able to get that all taken care of thankfully

M1

Well we were preaching to the choir then, weren't we? Glad the affairs are in order. It's a terrible thing when your spouse doesn't recognize you, it's happened here too and I wish i had advice. It's intermittent with my partner, mostly she knows my face but not name, and has forgotten most of our 30 years together. She's been in MC for two years this week.

Phoenix1966

Glad to hear that you don’t have any legal hurdles to deal with.

As her condition worsened, my grandmother would alternately think I was her daughter(we do look similar) or a male friend of hers who basically looked like Popeye(so no resemblance there). What sometimes helped would be if I left the room, waited a few moments and then re-entered while immediately greeting her using the name only I called her by. That seemed to help ground her in the moment. But this only worked for a while.

SSHarkey

It appears to me that she’s well past the stage of making her own decisions about care. As difficult as it is, you need to go ahead and do whatever is best for her, in spite of her lack of approval. Mask it all in “fiblets” if that helps calm the waters.