Burdensome

Dross

terei

I suppose you could block his number on your mother’s phone. Have you tried to enlist the partner in shielding your mother from contact? Do you have DPOA? With that, you may be able to get a restraining order against the brother if he is harming her financially or physically. A lawyer might be able to help you

M1

Welcome to the forum. I too am curious as to why your parent calls you long distance for banking concerns rather than asking their long-term partner? That strikes me as a bit of a red flag. perhaps the partner is not up to dementia caregiving?

I would agree that the entire situation warrants discussion with a certified elder law attorney about who should have power of attorney for your parent both for healthcare and finances. I would worry that your troubled sibling might angle to financially exploit your parent and/or the partner, and you may need to take over all finances to prevent this.

Another thing that comes to mind is to go for an extended visit to really get a handle on how things stand.

SusanB-dil

Hi Dross - welcome to 'here', but sorry for the reason.

I agree with the others, and also see a huge red-flag with the finances. If your parent is forgetting what was said in the span of a few minutes, how are they managing the banking? (as well as other day-to-day matters)

And also driving? Agree - please go for at least a several-day visit to really see what is going on. Check on the finances, driving, general eating to see if food is expired, etc. When (not 'if') you do go, maybe see what finances can be put on 'automatic' through the bank - such as electric, utilities, phone/internet... and hopefully any income is on direct deposit.

We had a 'trusted relative' get into MIL's finances and really exploit the situation. It was her niece, not a sibling, but someone we had known for life. We are talking 6-figures, here, before we found out. Even after 2.5 years, we are still dealing with consequences of a bad, evil, mess!

Do get DPOA if you don't already. A CLEC (elder care lawyer) can help with that.