Dealing with denial, hallucinations, and delusions

MsDebW

A doctor mentioned that my husband probably has Alzheimer's about 2 years ago. Since then my husband refuses to see a doctor for any reason because there's nothing wrong with him. He gets angry, belligerent, and even hostile at times because I promise to take him to our new "masterpiece" home but I never take him; or I took the ointment that I just picked up from the pharmacy. He's constantly talking to himself - even LOL. Recently he was ticked off because he said I refused a delivery of $100k from the bank - the bank manager told him I sent the money back. And I'm a f-word liar and good for nothing. There are other accusations he's adamant about because he saw what I did with his own eyes or head it with his own ears. None of it true or rational.

I don't debate his reasoning. I try to walk away. But I had to call the police at least twice after he threatened me. They do nothing because he didn't physically hit me. They say he has dementia and "it's part of the disease".

I don't want to abandon my husband but I cannot live in fear/uncertainty either. He still independent. He drives - usually just to the local store or a dominos game.

If you've have a similar situation for a person who refuses any kind of treatment, how do you handle it?

Phoenix1966

He hasn’t hit you yet. Please carry a charged cellphone on you at all times to call 911. Have a safe room that is lockable with some kind of exit(window or another door) to the outside. Do not hesitate to use either at any time.

jsps139_

My husband was having hallucinations, delusions, and awful sundowners daily with angry outbursts. His doctor prescribed Seroquel 25 mg. I give it to him mid-afternoon and although he’s been sleeping quite a lot, when he is awake, he is very pleasant and funny. Somehow, you have to get him to a doctor that can prescribe meds. They make all the difference in the world my husband and me, and I hope the same for you. I cannot relate to him refusing to go to the doctor, but I’m sure there are people on here that can give you advice on that.

M1

welcome to the forum, though I am sorry you are facing this. This is a very dangerous situation from a number of aspects. Your own safety, for one; and the fact that he is driving.

He is not in denial of his illness; he has anosognosia, which is a feature of dementia that prevents him from perceiving his deficits. He truly thinks he is fine.

He probably needs to be hospitalized to be diagnosed and put on proper medication to control the paranoia and delusions. If you hold power of attorney, everything will be easier; if you don't, that it something that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later with a certified elder law attorney (look at nelf.org). But even without power of attorney, if he is a threat to himself or others he can be hospitalized against his will. If you do not feel safe at home, you should call 911 and ask for him to be transported to the emergency room of the nearest hospital with a geriatric psychiatry ward. You can do your homework ahead of time and find out where that would be. Once he is there, you insist that you are not safe and cannot safely care for him at home. You keep saying that, over and over. Videotapes or audio recordings of some of his outbursts can be very helpful in documenting the behaviors.

I think your own safety needs to be addressed first, in this fashion. I had to hospitalize my partner before she was placed in memory care, and this is not uncommon. The driving also needs to be addressed, but I think your own safety comes first.

Please keep posting, read a lot of threads, and you will learn a lot. This is a good place for advice and support.

terei

M1 gave you the best advice. If he threatens you at all, have him transported for treatment. Her advice to keep saying you cannot take him home for safety reasons is right on. He needs assessment + (probably) meds. Don’t wait til he actually harms you. Your own mental + physical health is just as important as his + you should not be living in fear of his next outburst.

FTDCaregiver1

M1 gives good advice. Had POA early, soon afterwards, DW's behavior went downhill fast, yelling, screaming, running outside the house, screaming. Transported to local ER room/hospital, eventual bed placement at closest available Psychiatric Ward. 14 days later, discharged with a plan and medication. It was incredibly painful and stressful time but the beginnings of our journey together on care for her. Your situation is much more dangerous than mine was and agree with others on getting protective measures in place. How to get a DPOA in place with a resistant husband? Anyone help on that?

jfkoc

You really need to get a diagnosis and one that follows current protocol.

Every year I go in for an annual Medicare appointment which may be a requirement of that program. I would use that as an excuse for you and your husband to have an appointment where they can begin the diagnosis which included blood work to rule out treatable causes.

I would make certain that the Dr has a through understanding of what behaviors your husband displays.

Additionally please google and learn all you can about the diagnosis process in order to make certain the protocol is followed.

You will very likely then be referred to a neurologist that specialized in dementia.

BPS

When my wife's delusions got worse I was able to message her doctor and he gave a prescription without her having to go in, but she had been seeing him regularly so I don't know if that is an option. If you do go to an ER I would follow the earlier advice and keep saying your not safe over and over because my bipolar daughter once was threatening me with a knife and attacking me leaving scratches on my arms and a consoler went with us to ER. We set and waited for a couple of hours and when they finally called her in they said she was no threat because she had been sitting there for a couple of hours and didn't cause a problem. If you do take him to ER tell them over and over. A short time later we went back due to other problems and they did finally prescribe some medication that has helped her a lot.