Visiting too often?

clarinetist

My DH has been in memory care for almost 3 weeks. The first week was very hard, but since then, he’s seemed to be adapting to it. I’ve been visiting daily, for about an hour, and my daughter often sees him in the evening.

A few days ago, when I arrived, he was playing a word game with the group and he was having such a good time, he barely noticed when I sat down next to him. Seeing him so involved made me happy.

When the activity was over and it was just the two of us talking, however, his mood took a downturn. He started ruminating about why he was there, when would he go home, has he done something wrong, etc. This often happens when I’m visiting.

So I guess I’m wondering if my visits are hampering his adjustment? Should I visit a little less?

SSHarkey

I believe your presence distracts from the engagement and throws his thoughts back to not being home. I’m not sure how much he understands about his placement. I’m sure you’ve repeatedly discussed it, and he isn’t able to remember. I’d consider discussing this with the charge nurse. Does he remember from one day to the next if you’ve been there? It may well be you might need to back off a little. Possibly begin by alternating days with your daughter. See how he adjusts to the change.

clarinetist

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/202976#Comment_202976

Thanks, that’s good advice. He doesn’t seem to remember that my daughter and I have visited. I’ll talk to my daughter about alternating days and see if it helps.