POA

gabby_0789

Hello,

I have a POA for my mom we got it early this year before she progressed. Well two weeks ago, my mom was asked to stop driving and her diagnosis was confirmed. She’s refusing to stop driving and argues she only drives short distances. How liable am I if she continues to drive? I don’t want to go to the extreme of hiding her keys but I will if I have to. It’s not so much that I feel she will get lost it’s so many other factors that I am afraid of and considering. What did you do for your loved one?

M1

Hi gabby. Yes, you hide the keys and disable the car if you have to. Physically removing it might even be better ( out of sight, out of mind)--some have used excuses like recall, part is on back order, etc. If you hold her POA, yes, you could be held liable. My partner was always a real tightwad with her money, but even telling her that she could be sued for everything she owned was not effective. I had to hide all sets of keys; when I was still leaving her alone, she would look for them while I was gone. We live on a farm, so physically getting rid of all vehicles was not possible.

Anonymousjpl123

Hi @gabby_0789 im so sorry you have to go through this. It’s a real issue for so many people. My mom did not drive thank god but I did have to take over decision-making and it was awful. That’s why POA is so important with this disease. I would absolutely lose the car keys, and the car if possible.

Many people use “fiblets” - it’s in the shop, the engine broke are good ones. You can also say that there was an issue with the insurance. Anything you think she might reasonably believe. It’s not safe for her or others for her to be on the road so you are doing the right thing.

the bff

Yes, you do what you must to prevent her from driving - even short distances. You've heard that most accidents occur within a mile of home, right? Also, if your LO drives and kills/maims someone, they won't remember it, but you will. Just two weeks ago a 78-year old lady killed three people (a whole family) waiting at a bus stop in San Francisco (I was there visiting when it happened) - they didn't say dementia, but .... she is being criminally charged, the last I heard.

CaliforniaGirl-1

Steering wheel lock. Not expensive but effective. More expensive but equally effective is a wheel boot.

harshedbuzz

The safety of others is more important than your mom's happiness and your own comfort. Full stop.

With a dementia diagnosis in her medical record, driving AMA brings all manner or risks.

She could get lost and drive until she runs out of gas in another state or rough neighborhood.

She could harm, or even kill someone.

Her auto insurance is likely void with the dementia diagnosis.

If she were sued, she could lose everything and she would have no funds for her care.

Lawsuits take time to move through to a trial date, so she will present as even more impaired in front of a judge and jury.

A POA not only gives you the right to make proper decisions on your mom's behalf, it obligates you to. In the event of an accident, you could be held liable criminally and civilly.

You can't reason with her about this, you just have to stop her. Since her car will be a visual trigger, it's best to remove it and sell it. As her agent, holding onto a car she isn't using and is depreciating is not fiscally responsible.

Gestures like turning in her license or taking the keys will just humiliate and anger her. Move the car elsewhere and create a fiblet that it was recalled and is waiting for a part. Rinse and repeat.

HB

SusanB-dil

Totally agree - get her off the road. now.

We disabled MIL's car and told our helpful neighbor not to put the wire back on. We found out she got lost. Turned out, she had gotten lost several times. After she was off the road, she finally admitted she came to an intersection and forgot what to do. there is a very minor scratch on the back bumper. Nobody has a clue how it got there. That could have been much, much, much worse.

Agree with HB and the others - if something should happen to an innocent party or herself, that is bad enough, but insurance would not have to pay. Disable the car. Disappear the car. 'the car is broken and the part is on backorder'. Repeat as necessary.

Driving takes a lot of thinking and reasoning. For a PWD, the reasoning required for driving (and a lot of other things as 'this' progresses) is shattered and just isn't there any longer.

Minnie1225

my mom was also driving and very active prior to her diagnosis. She insisted on her car keys . What I did was take an old remote from a different vehicle we had and a key similar to her keys and put it on her key ring and removed the real key n remote . This stopped the arguments and if she tries to take the car she can’t . She carries those keys everywhere!

mabelgirl

Please do whatever you can to not enable your Mom to drive. Like all the others on this thread have pointed out, it’s not just about you and your Mom, but innocent people. I’m sure you heard read stories of elderly people driving into lakes or into ditches. One case the poor little lady was in a ditch for days before her car was found behind the trees and shrubs.
prayers for everyone’s safety.