Coming Home From Respite Question

hiya

I’m thinking of putting my DH in respite for 30 days (minimum requirement at facility) so I can have a vacation. He is stage 5 cognitively but able to physically look after personal needs. He can be pretty good during the day but sundowns daily which can get challenging.
My questions are if I do put him in MC for 30 days, how will this effect adjustment when he comes home after? Is life going to be more difficult readjusting? How long will it take? Will it go back to ‘normal’? Will he decline? Part of me wonders if the aftermath of respite will be worth it, the other part of me wants to take a vacation.
Part of me feels guilty as others have it way harder than me. Will love to hear your experiences. Thank you

SSHarkey

No guilt! You know your body and spirit and when it’s time to step away and recover. Your husband will be well cared for when you leave. You won’t make it the long haul if you don’t take care of yourself!

Jgirl57

You pose interesting questions; I hope you do take the vacation . I do not have any experience with this but I have been thinking of doing the same thing so I can clean house and re organize for the long haul. I need time alone at home to go through things and simplify our surroundings and you just can’t do that kind of stuff in a day or two .

ghphotog

I've considered that very thing. I was only going to place my DW for thirty days but the staff at the MC suggested that once she is settled and adjusted that bringing her home can make things harder for her. Also it wouldn't be very long until I'm looking to do it all over again. I would have to reapply to the MC and pay all of the up front costs again. I still think about bringing her home and at some point I still might but right now she is doing fairly well there. I don't know if I could go through all of that again, the day to day, minute by minute, 24/7 care that she needs. I think I could if I had to now but I'm still going to give it more time. Money is a very important consideration for placement and even though it would cost most of our life savings I'm will ing to do that but I'd really prefer not to but we don't know what the future will be like.

harshedbuzz

@hiya

This is an interesting question. And such a difficult one to answer.

No one knows what your DH's dementia will look like 30 days from now whether he spends those days in a care facility or with you at home. He could thrive in a dementia informed atmosphere with well trained staff and engaging failure-free activities. My aunt who'd been living alone positively blossomed when she went into MC after living with a caregiver in a friend's home. She was early stage 4ish at the time. My dad was further along. He'd been resistant to care from mom of HHAs but was more cooperative with staff at the MCF he saw as healthcare professionals which meant his care was considerably better.

Many members report that their LO did lose some footing with a move whether into a facility or even a new home to be nearer family or on one floor. I did not notice this with my own dad— he moved from his place in FL, to his place in MD, to an apartment near me after a hospitalization/rehab stay and then into a new home in under a year. His disease progressed, but it didn't seem to corelate to the move.

One piece that's hard to factor in is the amount of scaffolding you likely provide in a day. You probably underestimate this as you're likely doing so intuitively. I've heard members become upset that their LO needed Depends once moving to MC because they hadn't needed them at home. The difference was, many of them had their LO on a 2-hour toileting schedule or were hypervigilant about watching for cues it was time to toilet their LO. This kind on 1:1 attention doesn't exist in a MCF, so a PWD could start to have incontinence for the first time.

HB

FTDCaregiver1

Impact of short respite stays in terms of readjusting back home and their adjustment into care is difficult to predict, at least for me. DW was in early stage 6 when I placed her. On her adjustment side, I initially placed with my chosen MC for short 3-day stays (two of them) before leaving her there longer and spent time with MC staff, including giving them a written tip sheet on her daily routine, including her ADLs that they posted in her room for their staff. I left a lot of her favorite snacks as well. Her adjustment was good, bringing her back home went very well. Since her attention span and short-term memory was minimal anyway, there was no missing me nor the MC when she came back home.