Just a quick positive moment
Today I went to visit and mom had once again disconnected, and hidden, her landline. I finally found it, nowhere near her room. We’ll give it one more try before I give up. She has a lot of emotions and is less and less in reality - she thinks she’s flying to her childhood home 3,000 miles away tomorrow.
But she’s still kind of social, so after my chaotic search for the phone, we sat down with one of her friends and Just chatted. The conversation was completely all over the place - I mean for real. But it felt…good, almost normal. Peaceful. A few more people came and joined us - even a few who are completely non-verbal. It was really nice. I just asked questions about whatever train of thought people were on.
I wish there could be more moments like this, but I’ll take them when they come.
Comments
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Sounds nice! And isn't it so much better when we accept where they are, in the moment, without spending energy and grief wishing they could still do something that is no longer possible? It's still hard for me to do this, but I'm learning. Thanks for your example!
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I'ts hard to give up on all those connections. when i first moved by partner to memory care, I bought an Alzheimer's-friendly clock, put a TV in her room…on and on. All of them got repeatedly unplugged and packed up. To this day (two years later), she will still unplug her lamps and a music player when she can't figure out how else to turn them off. Still takes pictures off the walls (though not as much as before), and constantly moves things around in her drawers. Every visit starts out with me assessing what's where and putting things back in their place. Constant hide and seek, just with fewer items than we had at home.
Long way of saying, I wouldn't be optimistic about the landline. But I'm glad you had a calm and pleasant moment.
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JPL123 just vibin' in the MC, hmmm?
LOL—sounds like Palm Sunday with 'the ladies' at Mom's MC. Convo was indeed all over the place, but very pleasant. I helped tie a palm frond around a walker. Not sure how that went over with the staff, but one of my new buddies was pretty set on it-who am I to say 'no'?
We bought Mom one of those photoframe scrolling albums for her room. Unplugged everytime.
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I can't imagine what my mom would do with a scrolling photo frame. She has photos (oldschool, printed on photo paper) in frames on her dresser. Lately I have come in to find one of the frames taken apart every time I visit. Frame, glass, photo, cardboard backing all lined up separately on the dresser. Ain't no figuring this stuff out sometimes!
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@M1 you were right, landline is not going to happen. What’s weird is how familiar your partner’s behavior is. My mom literally takes pictures off the walls every day - she put a lot of them up when she first moved in; she is constantly packing and unpacking clothes, phones, pictures…Lamps are unplugged. My mom does it because she thinks she’s moving, then decides she’s staying. I have embraced the no phone thing now. If needed, I can call and they let me talk to her on the main phone.
But the truth? The calm and pleasant moment has stayed. I’ve had an epiphany. The reason this is so awful is me thinking I can and should stop the progression. That her getting worse is tragic. I am trying to go with the flow. “They don’t like people who have been in meadows” was actually said yesterday and I responded “makes sense.” She said she was thinking of getting a job with NCIS (was on TV), and I said “oh wow, what would you want to do?”
@Emily 123 you said it: vibing in the MC! I’m liking this approach. I LOVE that you put a palm frond on a walker! This is the way. People are people. It’s so much nicer when I can accept my buddies as they are. I’m even starting to enjoy it sometimes.
@psg712 I kid you not, my mom has separated frames lying everywhere. I just cannot understand how these behaviors evolve among so many different people!2 -
Jpl123, this is great. Very encouraging to hear others' experiences and realize that we are all finding our way ... and maybe even finding a little humor and peace in an otherwise tough situation.
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yes. Another good visit today, exactly what I needed, a few weeks of peace and some positivity. I’m relieved.
I’ve Also discovered magazines are a fantastic gift for PWD. My mom and others loved them. Something to look at. They’re done with books, but I’ll be damned they didn't pour through them and even make some jokes (they were fashion magazines). Sometimes it’s all so sad, but when I accept it - it’s so much easier. I visit, we spend time together, we take a short ride, even have dinner.
She hardly makes sense now but it doesn’t matter. Her OT is working on showering and just thinking about it makes me sad but truthfully, the important thing is we are getting through this crap together.
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Commonly Used Abbreviations
DH = Dear Husband
DW= Dear Wife, Darling Wife
LO = Loved One
ES = Early Stage
EO = Early Onset
FTD = Frontotemporal Dementia
VD = Vascular Dementia
MC = Memory Care
AL = Assisted Living
POA = Power of Attorney
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