Compassion fatigue.

Hope5757

In the last three hours it’s been:

My butt hurts.

I didn’t sleep.

I’m dizzy.

I’m nauseous.

I’m constipated.

I’m tired.

I can’t breathe.

My tongue is hot. It feels red. (New one))

Sometimes, I just have to sit down and concentrate on being calm.

concerned_sister

I believe Teepa Snow recommends taking a time out 5 times a day for 3 deep cleansing breaths. Perhaps you can look for her on you tube.

Hope5757

@concerned_sister ,

Thank you. I’d look through some of her videos many months ago but had not looked at videos aimed at caregiver self care.

concerned_sister

I was watching some last night. I think one was labeled like 12 of 14 or something to that affect. It seemed like the audience as caregivers and she had lots of tips and strategies. The one about taking a time out for 3 cleansing breaths made reference to a study where caregivers as compared to a control group had much higher cortisol levels, which can lead to weight gain and heart trouble. Cortisol is recognized as a stress hormone. I believe she also made the point that it's made to help the body in fight or flight moments, but is not conducive to a thought out reaction. The study mentioned after the breathing technique (and it is suggested you set a timer to make sure you take the time out and don't blow by it), I think it was after a six month interval, showed lowered cortisol on par with the control group. I was watching these as I was relaxing to go to sleep, so I may be misquoting some of the information, but I think I got the general lesson. She also had caregiver lessons re helping with a LO who needs assistance toileting, another one had to do with interacting during a visit once your LO is in a memory care facitlity. She does a good job of showing not just telling using role playing with audience members. I thought they were informative. Let me know what you think if you have the opportunity to view some in this series.

harshedbuzz

@Hope5757

I'm so sorry. Might you actually be ill from another cause in addition to the stress overload?

A few things to keep in mind:

This is a marathon, not a sprint. You need to pace yourself or you won't make it to the end.

Anything that supports or cares for the caregiver is beneficial to the PWD in the short term and the long run.

A third of caregivers don't survive their LO. While this is less of a risk to adult children than to spouses/siblings/parents, unrelenting stress can lead to self-neglect with permanent health consequences.

Unfortunately, sometimes when well-meaning folks say something like "you need to take time for yourself" it can feel like just one more thing mocking you from your already extensive to-do list. This is doubly true if they don't also offer any meaningful assistance to help you pull this off.

If you can, try to take the time and do something that refreshes you.

Start small. Staying hydrated is an easy place to start. Give yourself the treat of making time for a coffee and quiet on your deck or wandering around Target by yourself.

What helped me was carving out some me time to exercise. Early on in the dad caregiving days, I hiked for an hour (or two when I had time) in the hills of the local park. Being outside was really helpful to my mood. One knee replacement and another pending, I've had to switch to yoga and Pilates to keep an even keel.

Meds helped. I was OK as secondary caregiver/logistics for my dad, but now being in a semi-caregiver role for mom who doesn't have dementia but is medically and emotionally needy has ramped up my anxiety and adding a medication for that has helped.

I kept up/maintained friendships even though there is quite a bit of disparity in our lifestyles right now. For now, I'm traveling vicariously. I have a friend whose mom also had dementia when dad did; we used to meet monthly for lunch and trade horror stories and hacks. Lunch with her was more useful for me than therapy, but I keep the option open.

YMMV. I hope you find something to get some relief and feel better.

HB

Hope5757

Thank you @concerned_sister and @harshedbuzz.

It’s been a difficult week and I was (mostly) venting. MIL’s hospital stay was labor intensive for us and we haven’t quite recovered physically. Then a conversation with a relative resulted in a catastrophic reaction. And we were dealing with refusal to eat, refusal to take meds, worst sundowning to date and to top an already bad week off - she peed in her pants.

But today is Sunday and a new week begins.