End of life

pae294

My husband is close to the end of this terrible disease. I live in Broward County, Wilton Manors. He is not on hospice what happens when dies? We have cremation paid for. Will they take him to do an autopsy or will I just call the funeral home? I want to bath him and dress him in his army uniform . I want to be prepared because I am not sure how I will be mentally.
Thankd

harshedbuzz

@pae294

Hi and welcome. I am sorry for your reason to be here. I wish your strength and peace in the coming days.

Just an FYI, if you are interested in hospice services, you could arrange that now. My aunt only had hospice for the last 48 hours of her life but it was helpful for her sister-caregiver. One service hospice does is a bath and they engage the LO to assist if they wish. Otherwise, this is typically done by the funeral home which will dress him in whatever you provide.

Unless you have pre-arranged an autopsy for some reason, it's likely you would just call the funeral home to arrange for them to come for him.

HB

M1

Hi and welcome to the forum. They will not do an autopsy. Why don't you call the funeral home ahead of time and ask them how to proceed. If his doctor is willing to sign the death certificate that should be all you need to do. Typically the funeral home will dress him in whatever clothes you provide.

You can always request hospice if it would help you. You don't need a doctor's order, you can call a hospice agency yourself. Services are covered by Medicare.

midge333

I am so sorry. I would ask for hospice as they will guide you through the entire process, both before and after your husband's death.

harshedbuzz

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/comment/204829#Comment_204829

That's a good point.

My BFF's DH died after an extended stay in the hospital this summer. When it became obvious he wasn't going to make it, she agreed to palliative care in the hospital. I feel like she would have been better served by hospice. While the staff was wonderful with him and her during that last day, once he passed all they told her was that she could have the room for 4 hours and told her to arrange with her funeral home for pick-up.

She was the baby of her family and while she's been through many losses, she's never participated in final arrangements and was really at sea. I walked her through arranging direct cremation. All the care staff could offer was a phone book with funeral directors listed.

HB

mommyandme (m&m)

I hope you will call hospice in. The dying process may become overwhelming for both of you. It’s a kindness to you as well to have Hospice’s support, IMO.

My LO was on hospice when she passed. Besides all the guidance they provided before her death, when she did pass they helped me clean her and dress her in the clothes I sent her on with. They afforded me as much time as I desired to stay quietly with her. Hospice also called the funeral home for me. This all happened after 10:30 pm. Hospice also provides services such as grief counseling for the deceased’s LOs up to a year after death.

Welcome to the forum… I’m sorry for this pain and heartache.

jfkoc

I agree. Interview several hospices. Both you and your husband will benefit from their services.

Mint

Agree never to late to call hospice. My sister was only in hospice about 24 hours.

Isabelle95

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is hard,I know. My sweet hubby died on May 6, 2024. It has barely been a month but feels so fresh. He had been in a licensed care home run by some good friends for four years, as I was not physically able to care for him at home, and he had been under Hospice care for three of those years. If they are under Hospice, you (or someone you designate) will call Hospice when it appears that he is close to the end. Their doctor or nurse will be the one to sign the death certificate, and they will list the cause of death as "Alzheimer's Disease," if that is what he had. They will prepare him to be picked up by the mortuary, and you will proceed from there, by letting the mortuary know what you want in the way of burial. It might be easier to have this settled with the mortuary ahead of time. Here is another thing that is hard to think about as you go through this, but it will make things so much easier if you do, and this information might help someone else, even if you don't need it. If you are both receiving Social Security, you can switch to his benefit after he passes if it was bigger than yours. You will need an original copy of your marriage certificate to show Social Security if you plan on doing this. You can contact Social Security by phone, and they will tell you what else they need. The mortuary will take care of notifying them of the death, but you will need to tell the mortuary how many copies of the death certificate you want. They are cheaper and easier to get from them. You will need one for your bank, life insurance, any annuities or pensions you get, etc. I plan on changing the title to our house to just my name rather than joint ownership, so the county recorder where we live wants a copy, too. You will most likely be filling out a lot of forms, so you may want a trusted friend or relative to help you with this. It's a very unpleasant task to have to perform when all you want to do is cry or sleep or be left alone, but getting it over with does seem to relieve some of the stress—at least, it has for me. And, don't make any big decisions until considerable time has elapsed! You will need time to grieve, rest, and think. If you have close friends or relatives nearby, let them offer you help as needed, but don't feel like you are obligated to accept help unless you want it. In my case, I was getting food I could not eat and plants that I had no place for, but we have to remember that our friends and relatives are grieving, too, and they want desperately to do something—anything—to help. Things WILL get better as we travel this road….

Bill_2001

Funeral directors are amazing people. My mother passed suddenly without Hospice. I called my mother's preferred funeral home at 11pm and they sent two angels who arrived at midnight. I handed them my mother's handwritten "last instructions" and they handled everything.

It was a very difficult day and night, but the funeral director and staff were truly heaven sent.

ButterflyWings

https://alzconnected.org/discussion/68801/end-of-life

Thinking of you and your loved one. I agree, hospice is a true blessing - especially at the end. We are here for you.

Joe C.

I am sorry you have reached this point in the journey. My sister wanted to bath and dress her husband one last time and the funeral home allowed her to come in and do so once her was ready.

ButterflyWings

@pae294 Here is the Tam Cummings ADAT or actively dying too which tracks the last weeks, months, days, hours to know what to expect as your LO transitions from this life. I hope you contact a hospice agency and let them help as much or as little as you want from now forward.

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6372d16ea4e02c7ce64425b7/t/64ebd187d51079429664b19c/1693176199658/Actively_Dying_Assessment_Tool.pdf

MN Chickadee

You can still call hospice last minute. They can be a real help, both in helping you prepare/handle things and making your husband as comfortable as possible in his final days and hours. Their nurses are very trained at looking for signs of discomfort and how to handle them. Hospice is a free service and are staffed 24/7, and would come out immediately. As others have said, they can help with bathing the body. Their nurses are usually amazing people there to help, and they have other staff if you wanted to utilize them like social workers, grief counseling, chaplains etc.

I called our funeral home ahead of time to ask some questions and let them know I would be using their services within a few days for my mother. This might calm some of your fears about what comes next. Sending you peace during this difficult time.